


The Great British Bake Off- starring our favorite gay podcast characters

by takethebreadsticksandRUN



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Baking, Based on a post from tumblr, F/F, F/M, Gen, I had to do it, M/M, and at the end he loves jon, elias is an annoying squirrel outside the tent, everybody hates him he's a bastard squirrel, everybody is happy, except melanie she still angry but less so, getting together jonmartin, hnnnn here we go folks, just like my pastries huh?, light and fluffy, martin loves baking, mix and match writing styles throughout the fic, several posts actually, tags to be added as we go along, this is a great british bake off au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:40:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 27,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25118527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/takethebreadsticksandRUN/pseuds/takethebreadsticksandRUN
Summary: Jon, Martin, Tim, Sasha, and a few avatars in an alternate universe of terror and fear- the Great British Bake Off.How can Martin stay focused on his bake with Jon looking like *that*?Will Melanie be allowed to stab someone on live TV?Are worms really a health hazard? (a valid question by a concerned Jane)Come find out! Season 12 premiers TONIGHT, new episodes every Wednesday.edit: updates whenever i can bc this is a lot more work than i thought, but they will be on a semi-weekly basis probably?? <3<3ORa completely self indulgent fic with help from tumblr&friends. baking/gay idiots/mel and sue the comedic duo/yes please!!!
Relationships: Background Tim Stoker/Sasha James, Basira Hussain/Alice "Daisy" Tonner, Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, minor Oliver Banks/Michael | The Distortion but you gotta squint man squint real hard
Comments: 381
Kudos: 336





	1. Trailer

**Author's Note:**

> ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT  
> i'm so excited to announce the beginning of a new fic!! this au is set in the great british bake off universe. this incredible idea is the brainchild of Renda @rendherring.tumblr.com. go check it out! she's amazing and a hilarious genius blogger. a list of camera terms are at the end, as i'm trying to write an actual screenplay type thing here. i'm learning a lot! so many great ideas from the peeps at tumblr, i will use a lot of them and add some of my own so it's not a cut-and-paste fic.  
> this chapter is the "trailer" for the season. i will be using TV terms here as ACCURATELY AS POSSIBLE. it's short but next week we'll get into it!  
> hope you enjoy, please let me know what you think and if you want to hear more!  
> xxx

_Arial shot of a sunny meadow, flowers and tall grass waving slightly in the breeze. Pan to reveal a white tent on the edge of the field. We hear the happy chatter as a group of people walk across a small wooden bridge, serving no purpose except aesthetics, toward the tent. One man walks slower than the others, running a hand over the woodwork of the bridge._

**V.O (voice-over)**

Fourteen bakers-

_Cut to show the inside of the tent. It is clean and brightly lit, pastel kitchen utensils neatly arranged throughout the room and at individual bake stations. Paul and Mary stand at the front of the room, proud and regal in their superior baking skills and adequate judging skills._

**V.O**

Eleven weeks-

_We watch the bakers file into the tent, shaking hands with Mel and Sue who are wearing matching blazers as the situation demands. The bakers are nervous and excited as they take their places at their individual stations. The camera focuses on a few faces- a man almost too handsome to be true, a short woman with wavy pink hair, a stern man decorated with many scars._

**V.O.**

Three challenges-

_An abrupt shift in film, now we are looking at the tent filled with bustling movement. A woman wearing a hijab angrily whisks at her bowl, punishing it for some crime against humanity. Mel and Sue watch eagerly as a man expertly rolls out dough. He quickly pulls it into a rope, tossing it into the correct shape before weaving it into a marvel of pastry. A large man wipes his forehead with the back of his hand before bending down and checking his oven._

**V.O.**

One winner.

_The camera focuses on an exquisitely beautiful cake, several layers high, topped with simple yet elegant fondant flowers. Something in the icing shimmers as the light hits it. It rotates slightly._

**V.O.**

Will they be able to cope with the pressure?

_Close up on that same handsome man, his once clean flannel shirt now spotted with flour._

**TIM**

(exhausted)

I have no idea why, but choux pastry always hates me. Can you imagine that? (He winks at the camera) It never cooperates, even when I ask nicely. (Grinning) This week is gonna be a tough one, that’s for sure.

_Cut to Paul and Mary tasting a creamy concoction, strawberries dotting the surface of the trifle. Mary closes her eyes. The baker looks nervous. Is it in ecstasy? Disgust? She smiles at the baker, who looks relieved._

**PAUL**

The flavors are incredible, the texture is immaculate, you really have outdone yourself.

_The baker mumbles a shocked thank you before returning to their station._

**V.O.**

Or will they rise to the challenge?

_The voice is revealed to be that of Sue, who is standing alone in the field. She smiles. There is something vaguely threatening about that smile, something a little unhinged. It is comforting nonetheless. She looks directly into the camera._

**SUE**

Get ready for a fun season of banter-

_We see two figures, their backs to the camera, laughing as a third juggles eggs dangerously._

**SUE**

Excitement-

_Angle on a frightened Mary, watching as a woman stands in front of her flaming oven. The woman does not seem frustrated. In fact, she smiles._

**SUE**

(grins conspiratorially)

And drama.

_Close up on two people, their faces hidden, who are holding hands. The camera zooms on the flour dusting across their palms, fingers interlocked._

**SUE and MEL (who is off-screen)**

Welcome to the Great British Bake Off!

 _A still photo of each baker flashes rapidly, fading into a black screen bearing fancy script reading ‘_ The Great British Bake Off’. _The words vanish. The sound of an oven timer goes off, ringing into the sudden silence._


	2. Cake Week

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's cake week in the baking tent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so i've got a lot to say  
> first off  
> holy heck that was so hard. babes i sat down to write the chapter (intending to post it wednesday) on tuesday night. halfway through the first challenge and six thousand words in i realized it was going to be a monster of a chapter. i hope that doesn't scare anybody away, i worked really hard on this for like ten hours over the past two days. my back hurts guys  
> also i learned that pulling a harry potter and the triwizard tournament level procrastination is a bad idea. really bad. like really really bad.  
> but here it is! the first official episode! i know so much more about baking! please please please comment and let me know what you think. do you guys mind how long it is?  
> anyways enjoy!  
> xxx

_We open on a slowly panning shot of that cliché meadow, yellow flowers popping just beyond the field of focus. The greenery sways slightly in the soft breeze; the plaintive bleating of a lamb can be heard in the distance._

_Cut to Mel and Sue standing, bodies angled slightly towards each other and the camera, in front of the bridge._

**MEL**

Today is the day we see what our new batch of bakers is made of. Week one of the challenges starts today, with-

**SUE**

(Overly enthusiastic) Cake week! The bakers will be subjected to a more creatively liberal signature bake, a grueling technical challenge, and a showstopper that will bring the most experienced man to his knees.

**MEL**

You know, with watching all the bakers work their magic with sponge and cream, (with impish delight) being able to taste said delicacies is just the-

**SUE**

(Exasperated) Don’t say it-

**MEL**

Icing on the cake!

**SUE**

That. That was bad. Please never do that again.

_They both speak in unison as the angle on them widens, revealing stormy gray skies contrasting with the green trees._

**MEL and SUE**

Welcome to (both do jazz hands) the Great British Bake Off!

_The light orchestra begins to play in the background as the camera shifts once more. Now we are looking at a close up on a tall woman with dark hair and porcelain skin. She is chatting with her neighbor, an elderly man wearing a violently colored Hawaiian shirt._

**NIKOLA**

You know, things can go so wrong so quickly, it’s very difficult to keep track of everything at once.

_The man nods in fervent agreement as he claps his hands together, flour clouding off of them._

**NIKOLA**

Don’t want something blowing up because you let one tiny detail slip! (Her voice is cheery, but oddly pained as she speaks, as though every word costs an intense amount of effort)

_The bakers around her are very focused on their tasks, but cannot help but overhear the conversation. Several show strains of anxiety popping in, a large man in an jumper checking his oven almost compulsively._

**SUE (V.O.)**

The bakers will be given a chance to introduce themselves to Mary and Paul through their signature bake.

_Angle on a ferocious-looking woman carrying her cake to the judging table. Mary and Paul look at her apprehensively, is she going to knock them out? then to the desert in her hands. It is a simple cake, icing smoothed in delicate swoops and topped with fresh peaches and strawberries. The contrast between this woman and her cake could not be starker._

**SUE (V.O.)**

Their skills will be tested in the technical challenge, a finicky Charlotte Royale cake by none other than the one, the only, the fantastic Mary Berry herself.

_A stern old woman fusses about the stove, checking and rechecking the temperature for a bubbling pot of strawberry jam._

**GERTRUDE**

(Speaking to the camera) This is a crucial step, often overlooked I’m afraid. (She purses her lips) But without the right consistency of the filling, the rolls will not hold together.

 **** _Focus on a finished Charlotte Royale, rotating slightly on an elegant stand. Berry and sponge swiss roll slices form a dome, the spiral of red jam almost mesmerizing._

**SUE (V.O.)**

And for the showstopper challenge-

_Wide view of the tent at large, showing expressions on the bakers’ faces ranging from anxiety to fear to almost delirious excitement. Focus on a woman at a station in the middle of the tent. She is humming with apprehension, pulling cupcake tray after cupcake tray out of the cabinets. Small caterpillar earrings dangle happily as she moves quickly._

**JANE**

200 cupcakes in five hours. (Wincing) I’m not sure how well this is going to go, but hopefully, I can get everything done in time.

_Camera back on Mel and Sue standing in front of the bridge. Mel smiles crookedly._

**MEL**

The group of bakers this year seems very…

_A rapid sequence of shots flash- first a sharply dressed man, bow tie slightly askew, huddled over a tray of something with the man in the jumper. A woman wearing a hijab rolls her eyes at something the man to her left said, making eye contact with the ferocious woman across from her and smiling. A quiet woman in her mid-thirties flips her hair over her shoulder hurriedly, bending down and adjusting some minute detail on her bake. Again the camera focuses on Martin in his signature jumper, this time staring absently and openly at something we can’t quite see._

**MEL**

…exciting! Can’t wait to see what they have in store for us.

_The theme music begins to play as the camera pans across a table laden with baking supplies. A hand places raspberries atop a chocolate cake, delicately pushing them into the frosting. Several finished tarts and cakes decorate the table. A child helps crack eggs into a bowl of creamy frosting, the recipe dusted with powder and wrinkled beneath measuring spoons. Frosting is spread across a yellow cake, peaking under the spatula. We can hear the whirring of an electric mixer. Slowly, everything comes together as the desserts are placed, one by one, in an aesthetically pleasing lineup._

_A small girl licks a spoon, her face dirty but happy. Close up on the hand again, placing the few remaining raspberries on the open bit of cake. The camera zooms out, letting the cake fill the frame, and the words ‘The Great British Bake Off’ flower across it._

_Angle on Mel and Sue again._

**SUE**

You know our bakers, they get butter and butter every year. (Mel facepalms, looking exhausted) I reckon we’ve got the cream of the crop this season (Sue smiles elatedly at managing to get not one but _two_ puns in) Hopefully they won’t mind if we (she walks her fingers across her palm sneakily) nip by and taste their bakes?

**MEL**

Just in case they are poisoned or something.

**SUE**

(Nodding knowingly) Ah yes, we will sacrifice our safety to protect Paul and Mary.

**MEL**

Why wouldn’t we?

_Camera switch to a slightly elevated view of the fourteen bakers, filing into the tent. All look slightly nervous, excitement in the atmosphere. Cut to a shot of a blonde woman with wild curls, her body filling the frame in unfortunate proportions._

**HELEN**

I’m really…looking forward to this experience. It is such an honor to even be putting on an apron, I can’t imagine the doors it’s going to open.

_Quick transition to a darkly handsome man. He brushes his dreadlocks behind his shoulders before speaking in a frankly honest voice._

**OLIVER**

I’m nervous, I won’t lie. I am confident in my abilities as a baker, but how well I will be able to do under immense pressure is something I am much less confident in.

_Wide-angle of the tent as a whole, Paul, Mary, Mel, and Sue standing at the head of the room, the bakers all facing them. The judges stand slightly to the side, separate and together._

**SUE**

Good morning, bakers! Welcome to your very first (with particular enthusiasm) signature bake! As you know, it is cake week. You know what that means…

_She turns expectantly to Mel, who picks up the thread easily._

**MEL**

That’s right! Now, this challenge is going to be a little bit freer in the creative area. As we don’t know you all that well, but I’m sure you know who we are, (she gestures broadly as she speaks, punctuating words with sweeping motions and the occasional clap), Paul and Mary would like you to bake yourself into a cake, introduce yourselves via sponge.

_The bakers look around at each other, slightly confused. Close up on a few faces, already deep in concentration. A short woman pulls her pink hair into a ponytail, her eyes sharp. A man a few benches ahead of her runs a hand eagerly over the countertop._

**SUE**

(Checking her watch) You have two and a half hours to shove yourselves into a cake pan, I would get cracking! Mere _hours_ to capture the essence of who you are and wow the judges. The only instructions? No more than three layers. Now, ready-

**MEL**

Set-

 **SUE  
** Bake!

_There is a flurry of motion as the bakers launch into action. Mixers are brought out, bowls set onto counters and drawers rifled through. The buzz of nervous chatter drones quietly in the background._

**MEL V.O.**

This challenge will test the bakers' creativity and ingenuity. With very little parameters, they have more freedom for expression.

_Angle on Martin, somehow still wearing a large jumper, sketching something out on a piece of paper. He is concentrated, his brow furrowed slightly. We see Jon in the background, their benches are right next to each other._

_Tim, the outside light highlighting his profile, thunks a bottle of alcohol down. It rattles the espresso beans in their bowl, joining the small collection of ingredients he has gathered._

**MEL V.O.**

A way to capture who they are as a person, what flavors their life, a little slice of themselves.

_Pan to the station of Sasha, who is methodically lining up her supplies. The dry ingredients very clearly in the back, bowls and measuring cups neatly displayed. She dumps flour into her mixer, switching it on as she speaks._

**SASHA**

I’m doing something I’ve done loads before, something I can trust, but spiffing it up, you know? Can’t afford to be too basic, not here. I’m making a classic Victoria sponge, but as for the extra bits, you’ll have to wait and see.

_She smiles, turning back to her work, scooping in this and that, a little bit of powder spraying into the air._

_Close on Agnes. She is roughly chopping up biscuits before adding them to a food processor. It whirrs loudly, almost drowning out her words._

**AGNES**

It’s not the technical bake, not yet, so I’m mostly focusing on getting the flavors right in this. I don’t want it to be subtle, it should burn a little bit.

_Transition to Basira, who is neatly slicing oranges into rounds. One by one, she drops them into a bubbling pot of sugar syrup. It is tinged a light yellow as she stirs briskly. She looks directly into the camera._

**BASIRA**

This is the easy part. The calm before the storm, the quiet before an earthquake.

_With one hand, she turns over several of the slices before adding more._

**BASIRA**

Should take about twenty minutes, but you’ve got to keep an eye on them or they’ll burn like that. (She snaps for emphasis)

_Focus on Nikola, quite possibly the tallest one in the tent. She hums placidly as she works, mixing the batter for her sponge. She does not seem to be in any sort of rush._

**MEL V.O.**

Although it may sound simple, it will still be very difficult. With great power comes great responsibility! (She laughs) This is no less true for bakers than it is for Spiderman.

_Jane is slicing almonds delicately, her hands already stained pink from the bowl of rhubarb off to the side. She is concentrated, each piece of almond must be roughly the same size._

_Pan to Paul, sitting on a low garden wall outside the tent. He gestures fluidly as he speaks._

**PAUL**

Because not everybody is going to be held to the same standards for judging, the bakers will have to do their very best to stand out.

_Angle on Melanie, who is rolling blueberries in flour, already looking a little stressed. White powder decorates her face, but she has no time to wipe it off as she dusts the berries with quick, sharp motions._

**PAUL V.O.**

If one bakes, say, a black forest cake, and another makes a fruitcake, each of those bakes are going to have different qualities that make it absolutely perfect. One thing going to be universal- timing. Their timing needs to be spot on, or the cake will flop.

_A series of scenes flash as he speaks. First, we see Jon, resplendent in a crisp button-up and bow tie that strangely looks quite spectacular with his apron. He is reading his recipe again, the crinkled paper spotted with the memories of bakes past._

_Transition to show Helen, her back to the camera as she whisks at a bowl. The camera zooms in close to her bench, showing an impressive and unnecessary collection of knives and sharp objects._

_Small shot of an unknown baker's hands carefully pouring something into a bowl, drizzling the sponge batter._

_Now sitting on the low wall is Mary, her blonde hair tucked into an elegant updo._

**MARY**

This challenge is unique for many reasons. Never before have we given the bakers so much freedom to create. The presentation must be spectacular, but in this case, I am looking for the best flavors possible.

_Angle on Daisy, her teeth bared in concentration as she cracks eggs into a bowl. Dissolve to a shot level with a messy bake station, ingredients strew haphazardly about._

**MARY V.O.**

I want them to stand out, to be clean and strong, yet not overpowering.

_Close-up on Oliver who is chopping bakers chocolate into small bits. He pauses, considering them for a moment, before returning to the task with vigor._

**MARY V.O.**

Clear, defined layers are also an important part of the cake as well.

_The next shot is a wide-angle view of the tent as a whole. Most bakers look engrossed in their respective tasks, but there are a few who do not. Paused in the middle of peeling apples, Martin glances over at Jon to his left. Jon runs a hand through his hair, concentrated. Martin looks away, his cheeks slightly redder than before. Is it the heat of fourteen ovens, or something more?_

_Cut to Paul, filling two-thirds of the frame._

**PAUL**

The key here- ingenuity and attention to detail.

_The camera focuses on a small squirrel sitting outside the tent. It watches the commotion inside with a strange intensity as if it were not a useless nut-gatherer but something more, something sinister. It seems to be judging the bakers, finding the faults in each of them. Its eyes are uncannily human; it does not run from the camera. Instead, it stands on two fat legs and stares._

_Switch to a side profile of half of the room. All the bakers are wearing plain canvas aprons, reading recipes, and bustling to and fro. Jon walks briskly from his station to a table at the back, brushing past a distracted Martin._

**SUE V.O.**

None of the bakers today are making the same cake. Indeed, the results should be quite varied. However, most are making a basic sponge to serve as the base, the pedestal for their flavor heaven.

_Close up on Gertrude, her hair slightly flyaway in the heat already building up. In front of her are two large bowls of different colored sponge batter, several measuring cups scattered about._

_She dips a large one into the vanilla batter while speaking into the camera._

**GERTRUDE**

I decided to make a surprise cake, one with an interesting design on the inside. That’ how most people see me, a doddering old woman, but when you get closer to me-

_She pours chocolate batter into the center of the cake pan, layering with the vanilla._

**GERTRUDE**

I’m not exactly what meets the eye. (she winks)

_The camera stays on her cake pan for a little longer and we watch as she smoothly alternates between chocolate and vanilla batter circles._

 _Cut to an outside view of an imposing office building, the words_ The Magnus Institute _over the entrance. A far away shot of Gertrude walking through the doors. The camera follows her as she sits down at a desk, pulling files towards her._

**MEL V.O.**

Gertrude works as an archivist for a paranormal research institute.

_Now we are looking at Gertrude, a powerhouse in her kitchen as she pulls golden biscuits out of the oven._

**MEL V.O.**

She uses baking as a stress relief to cope with the high-intensity environment she works in. This baking experience is quite different from normal, however, and the pressure is on.

_Shot of a sketched cake diagram, the middle cut away to give an inside view. Zebra stripes of alternating chocolate and vanilla sponge run throughout both layers._

**MEL V.O.**

Her cherry surprise cake features a delicate pattern on the inside of the sponge and in the middle, a pocket of homemade cherry jam.

_Cut to Gertrude, sliding the pans of raw sponge into the oven. She straightens up and sighs, eyes roving meticulously around her, taking in everything at once._

_The camera returns to the tent at large. All of the bakers have some form of batter mixed, several already poured into pans. Close up on Helen, her station still cluttered with innumerable pointy objects. She smiles at the camera, her teeth bright white and slightly aggressive, as she beats egg whites into a froth with an electric mixer._

_The knives do not seem to be serving any purpose at all._

**SUE V.O.**

Helen is also making a cake with a bit of a twist. But in her case, the twist it a bit more literal.

_A drawing of her cake takes the frame. It is elegantly spiraled with creamy mint frosting and yellow sponge, topped with a few raspberries and mint leaves._

**SUE V.O.**

Helen’s lemon and mint spiral cake is a spring-themed bake with mint leaves and lemon-flavored decorations.

_Helen bends down and pulls her sheet cakes out of the oven, setting them on the counter to cool. As steam swirls gently up, up, up, out of them, she draws a knife lengthwise along the cake, slicing them into equal rectangles._

**HELEN**

This is a bit of a challenge technically. A lot of precision is required, something I hope will impress the judges.

_She turns back to her baking, still beating the egg whites with the dry ingredients. Once they are satisfactory, she pours them into a pan, popping them into the oven where they join the other two still baking._

**SUE V.O.**

Helen is a real estate agent.

_In the shot behind her, Basira stares into her oven coolly, waiting for them to brown._

_The camera pans along the length of the tent, stopping at Jon. His bowtie is still straight, his hair loose around his shoulders, apron knotted tightly. He grinds coffee beans in a bowl._

**JON**

I’m making a tiramisu layer cake. Traditionally, these take hours and hours that I simply do not have. (He frowns into his bowl) So instead, I came up with a recipe that combines the original tiramisu flavors of coffee and chocolate and my need to get this cake done as quickly as possible.

_A drawing of Jon’s cake appears, three-round tiers of marscapone cheese filling, coffee drizzles, and chocolate curls surrounding Victoria sponge._

**SUE V.O.**

Jon’s tiramisu is a modern take on the classic flavors of the tiramisu. Rich sponge, creamy icing and filling, all laced with decadent coffee and chocolate.

_In the distance, we hear the beep of a timer, and the camera quickly shifts from Jon to a frustrated Tim. He pulls burnt sponge out of the oven, dumping it unceremoniously into the bin._

**TIM**

(Slightly tense) I’ll just have to start over, then. No big deal.

_He begins to hurriedly throw his sponge together again, pausing to take a sip after adding the alcohol to it. He makes a face then smiles slightly, trying to get a handle on the situation._

_The judges walk over to where he is working, curious about what he is doing._

**PAUL**

Tell us about your bake.

**TIM**

I’m making an espresso martini cake, or at least (he gestures to the bin) I will be if all goes well. (They groan in sympathy)

**MEL**

Best of luck. You know, (whispers conspiratorially, aware of the fact that everybody is listening) if you were to add a bit more of the liqueur than was strictly necessary, I certainly wouldn’t mind.

**TIM**

Anything for you, Mel. (He winks and the judges leave)

 _He whispers_ please please please work _to the cakes as he shuts the oven door, leaving them to bake._

_Aerial view of the tent now. All of the bakers have cakes nearly in the oven or already cooling. The camera focus switches, suddenly we are watching Nikola work. Three round chocolate sponges are cooling on a rack next to her. She adds white chocolate to a glass bowl of marshmallows and a pinch of baking soda. Placing the bowl on top of a simmering pot of water, she stirs it in smooth motions._

**NIKOLA**

Just making fondant for my cake, I could have brought some from home, but (she shrugs) it’s not that difficult to make.

_Cut to a drawing of her cake._

**MEL V.O.**

Nikola’s chocolate and raspberry cake is three-tiered, draped in freshly made fondant.

_Back to Nikola, who is smiling sharply as the marshmallow begins to melt._

**NIKOLA**

Just a simple cake for a simple woman. I’m hoping the flavors come through well, if not…(she makes a gesture across her throat) That’s pretty much all I have going for me, at the moment.

_The camera swivels away from her and focuses on Melanie at the table next to her. Melanie is looking slightly flustered, her hands coated with flour from earlier._

**MELANIE  
** If you coat the fruit with flour, it won’t sink as much.

_It is her turn in the spotlight. A drawing of her dessert takes the shot._

**SUE V.O.**

Melanie’s exotic blueberry cake is two layers of blueberry and sponge, flavored slightly with poppyseed.

_Back to Melanie, who is whisking at something in a bowl._

**MELANIE  
** I’ve already got one of them in the oven now (she nods at the bowl in her hands) but the second one was not cooperating with me. (Muttering) Idiot cake. Had to re-flour the blueberries.

_Her body language is hostile, Paul and Mary change their minds about talking to her as it would likely not end well. Instead, they head to Martin’s bench. He looks up, slightly shocked as they approach._

**MARTIN**

Oh-hello!

**MARY**

(Kindly) Hello, Martin. How are you doing today?

**MARTIN**

I’m am doing very well, thank you.

_He speaks softly, the judges having to lean closer to hear his words over the drone in the tent. Although he is a large man, he draws his shoulders in, shrinking slightly under scrutiny._

**MARY**

Can you tell us about your cake?

**MARTIN**

(With more confidence) Yeah, I’m making a cinnamon and apple cake. It’s got a mixture of Granny Smith and Honeycrisp apples in it, the cinnamon baked into the cake and in the glaze over top of it. I’m making the crumble right now (he scrapes along a bowl with a spoon, turning over the ingredients inside)

**SUE**

That sounds absolutely _splendid._ I can’t wait!

_He smiles at her gratefully._

**MARTIN**

Thank you very much.

_The group leaves Martin to his work._

_Focus on Simon, his Hawaiian shirt garish even under a fairly even layer of flour and powdered sugar. He considers his cooling sponge critically, his diminutive stature imposing from the camera angle. To the side of his rack is an odd assortment of straws, skewers, and pastel boxes of chocolate candies._

_Mel stands at his side, watching him carefully._

**SIMON**

I’m making a gravity-defying cake. You take the straws and skewers, like so (he mimes poking them into the cake) and coat with the candies to hide the structure. Then it looks like they are floating!

**MEL**

Interesting. (The timer beeps) Oh, what’s that?

**SIMON**

Those (he pull a tray out of the oven) are my chocolate ladyfingers. I’m going to coat the sides of the cake in them, to hide the seams where the layers meet. (He turns the tray over, gently dumping them on the wooden surface)

**MEL**

(Clapping him on the back) They look lovely. I’m excited to see how they turn out!

_He mutters a thank you, busy sorting through his chocolate fingers to find the broken ones._

_At the front of the tent, Sue claps her hands together_

**SUE**

Halfway there, bakers! You have an hour and forty-five minutes remaining to you, make the most of them!

_The entire room looks up as one, slightly panicked._

_Focus on Daisy, her short blonde hair standing on end. She stirs a pot of peach something on the stove, scraping the bottom to keep from browning. She glares at it._

_From the next bench over, Tim calls to her teasingly._

**TIM**

How are you doing there, Daisy?

**DAISY**

Just peachy.

_Tim snorts, fanning his cooling sponge._

**TIM**

You sure? You look pretty angry. Did the fruit commit identity theft or some other heinous crime?

**DAISY**

(She waves her spoon at him) I’ve arrested people before for antagonizing me, I won’t hesitate to do it again.

**TIM**

You _wouldn’t_. (He smiles at her, trying to be disarming. From a few places over, Basira glowers at him)

**JON**

(Loudly) She would, I wouldn’t push it.

_Daisy nods seriously. Tim looks on in shocked disbelief._

**TIM**

How would you know?

_Jon smiles and turns back to his cake, spreading mascarpone cheese filling in between his layers. Tim looks at Daisy._

**TIM**

Have you arrested him before?

**DAISY**

Not officially, no. (Pauses) Not yet, at least.

**JON**

Hopefully, never. It wasn’t very pleasant. Unofficially, I mean.

**DAISY**

(Shrugs) Wasn’t supposed to be.

_The conversation ends, slightly uncomfortable. Tim’s eyes are wide as he reconsiders Jon again, reevaluating him._

_Martin, who had overheard this conversation, wipes smashed egg off his counter, cursing softly._

_Angle on Jane, her cheeks rosy from the heat of the tent. She sprinkles a crumbly topping over her cooling sponge, evenly coating it. She looks up as the judges come to stand before her._

**PAUL**

Hullo, Jane, can you tell us about your bake?

**JANE**

I’m making an almond rhubarb coffee cake, with some honey I brought from home.

**MEL V.O.**

Jane runs a small apple orchard. Along with apple trees, she also has a sizable vegetable garden, a dairy cow, and bees.

**JANE**

It tastes better fresh, so I harvested it last night. Should add a clean, fresh sweetness to the cake without being too overpowering. (Mary nods in agreement)

 _As the rest of the party turns to leave, Sue picks up a jar of golden honey, honeycomb suspended in the liquid. With a nod from Jane, she twists it open and dips a spoon in. She makes a_ sh-ing _gesture before popping it in her mouth._

**SUE**

De-licious.

**OLIVER**

You keep bees?

**JANE**

Yeah, I have a few different hives. Most of it I sell at a farmers market, but it comes in handy in the kitchen.

**OLIVER**

That’s quite neat.

**JANE**

(Quietly, almost to herself) They are very good company.

_Oliver nods in agreement, turning up the speed on his mixer. The frosting inside slowly thickens, chocolate splashing against the sides of the bowl. Once he is satisfied, he turns it off. Paul, Mary, Sue, and Mel walk up to him as he is slicing the tops off of his sponge._

**MEL**

That looks very chocolatey, what are you making?

**OLIVER**

I am making a chocolate cake, my husband Michael calls it death-by-chocolate, it’s so rich. We’ve got chocolate sponge, a creamy icing with whipped cream and chocolate syrup, topped with bits of extra dark chocolate.

_With one hand on the countertop, Paul lets his head hang._

**PAUL**

I can see why he calls it that. That is a _lot_ of chocolate!

**MARY**

Not that that’s a bad thing, chocolate is easily the best flavor of anything.

**OLIVER**

I hope it delivers.

_Unbeknownst to Oliver, Mel and Sue had snuck small spoonful’s frosting._

**SUE**

(Mouth gummy with chocolate) I’m sure it will.

_They creep away stealthily, licking their spoons. Mary sighs, shaking her head at the pair of them while Oliver laughs._

_Transition to Jon, carefully poking holes with a wooden spoon into his almost fully assembled tiramisu. Quickly, he checks his recipe._

**JON**

(Muttering) Drizzle the coffee syrup…mix frosting…refrigerate…

_He pours the remaining coffee liqueur mix over the top of the cake. Once the bowl is empty of syrup, he carefully picks up the plate and walks slowly toward the fridge/freezer he shares with Martin._

**JON**

Excuse me…

_He fumbles for the door with his foot for a moment before Martin comes to his rescue._

**MARTIN**

Here- let me- I’ll get that.

_He opens the door, his sleeves pushed halfway up his forearms. Jon mutters thank you, blinking confusedly at him. His gaze lingers for a second longer than necessary, Martin’s hands fraying with the tie on his apron._

_Cut to a wide-angle shot of the four officials. Mel cups a hand around her mouth, calling loudly._

**MEL**

A half-hour left, bakers!

_Both of the men jump and scurry back to their bakes, flushed._

_Angle on Helen, a pan of frosted sheet cake in front of her. She picks up a section, wrapping it around itself, before standing it up on her cake stand. She does this with another slice, carefully turning the stand with a steady hand._

_Cut to Basira, bright candied orange slices decorating a plate in front of her. She indicates the plate, speaking into the camera._

**BASIRA**

I’m going to use these as a garnish of sorts for my cake.

_Dissolve to an illustration of her bake._

**SUE V.O.**

Basira’s two-tiered lemon and lime citrus cake is an old family recipe, a common dessert at her home. It will be topped with a runny icing and candied oranges, simple and elegant.

_The next few scenes flash quickly, conveying a sense of urgency._

_Focus on Tim, spreading cream cheese frosting on the first layer of his cake. The corners of it crumble slightly as he works but he ignores this._

_Angle on Nikola, draping her sponge in fondant. The fondant is smooth and perfect, fitting the layers like a second skin._

_Gertrude frosts small stars around the border of her cake, alternating between vanilla and chocolate, as is her theme._

_Jane chops more almonds, almost feverishly adding them to the top of her cake. A saucepan bubbles at her elbow, rhubarb simmering in sugar syrup._

_Dissolve to Sasha neatly placing strawberry slices into the cream of her first layer of sponge, topping it with her second layer and repeating._

_Pan to show the entire tent in motion, some half-running from fridge to oven to table._

**MEL**

Fifteen minutes, bakers, fifteen minutes!

_Jon slides his tiramisu onto a wooden stand, dusting it with cocoa powder. With a steady hand, he shaves chocolate curls onto the top of it, stepping back every few seconds to admire the effect. It is neat and clean if a bit rustic, but it should stand the test._

_Cut to Martin, mixing up another batch of no-bake crumble topping. He does look slightly anxious, but mostly just happy to be there._

_The camera focuses on Agnes, lightly blowtorching her crème brulee. She is concentrated, but her gaze is almost…reverent._

**SIMON**

Smells great, Agnes, what’ve you got there?

**AGNES**

(Distracted) Irish crème brulee cheesecake with ginger.

_Simon nods once, carefully poking an upright skewer into his frosted chocolate cake. He slides a straw over it, icing it into place. Armed with a piping bag and a handful of candies, he begins to stick them to the base of the straw, building upwards to hide it._

_Cut to Melanie, her blueberry cake oozing slightly onto the cake stand. She sighs, exasperated. With a flourish of her knife, she slices several different fruits into intricate shapes, delicately pushing them into the top of the cake._

**SUE V.O.**

This is your five-minute warning!

_Martin dusts crumble atop his glazed cake, breathing a sigh of relief as he finishes._

_Dissolve to Tim, squiggling runny chocolate frosting across his cake. He looks up when he finishes to see Jon watching him with interest. Tim raises his eyebrows suggestively and he looks away._

_Basira evenly distributes her candied oranges over her cake, the frosting smooth and unblemished._

**MEL V.O.**

ONE MINUTE LEFT!!

_Simon adds the last candy to his tower and places the box on the top of it, the effect a waterfall of chocolate spilling over his cake. He smiles easily._

_Cut to Helen, fluttering mint leaves across her mesmerizing spiral of a cake._

_Dissolve to Oliver wiping down his counter, the death-by-chocolate cake sitting primly on the end of his bench._

**MEL and SUE**

(Speaking together) Times up, please step away!

_With one breath, the baking stops. No more timers ring out, exhausted silence permeating the atmosphere._

**SUE**

If you will bring up your cakes for judging, one by one, please.

_Tim is the first to go. His cake is a little messy, the layers not quite even._

**TIM**

This is my espresso martini cake. It has coffee liqueur in the frosting, the coffee flavor the most prevalent feature of it. I chose this as my signature because it combines two major aspects of my personality- booze and coffee. It’s good in the morning, afternoon, or after dinner, just like me. (He winks at the judges, who look good-naturedly exasperated)

_Paul cuts into it and lifts out a slice._

**PAUL**

Immediately I can tell you overfilled this, see how the frosting is oozing out the sides when I cut? (He demonstrates)

_Mary takes a bite, chewing thoughtfully._

**MARY**

The flavors are there, although the coffee is a little lost in the sponge.

**PAUL**

The sponge is very wet, but it’s eatable.

_Tim nods, still buoyant at having managed to bake a cake to present._

_Gertrude walks slowly up to the table, balancing the cake in her small hands. It does not look like anything extremely special, the décor tasteful but sparse._

**GERTRUDE**

This is a cherry surprise cake, as you will be able to tell shortly.

_They cut into it and let out gasps of surprise. The inside is swirled with layers of chocolate and vanilla sponge, a pocket of cherry jam still warm at the center._

**GERTRUDE**

(Proudly) Many people underestimate me as a helpless old woman, but on the inside, I’m so much more than that.

_She watches as they both take bites._

**MARY**

First off, this is a spectacular look. The meandering swirls of chocolate through the vanilla is simply stunning. I like your use of black and white, it’s pleasing to the eye. Now the flavors are good, nothing extraordinary, but good.

**PAUL**

I like the center, it compliments the cake very well. Overall great job, your presentation was there but your flavors a tad weak.

**GERTRUDE**

Thank you.

**MEL**

Jane, you next.

_Jane’s dessert is a simple one layer cake, rhubarb and almonds artfully decorating the top along with a fine crumble._

**JANE**

Almond rhubarb cake with a honey drizzle.

_Mary cuts into it, the knife melts through like butter yet it still holds together._

**PAUL**

(Chewing) The sponge is dry, almost too crumbly. If this were a traditional coffee cake maybe, but not moist enough for today. (she nods, her face impassive)

**MARY**

The honey is a nice touch, though.

_Cut to Basira setting down her cake, the white icing contrasting nicely with the oranges._

**BASIRA**

I baked a lemon-lime citrus cake. It’s got a powerful kick to the citrus, mellowed by a buttercream frosting. (She waits as they taste it)

**MARY**

It cuts very nicely, the layers of lemon and lime are distinct. The flavors are powerful-

**PAUL**

Almost too much so-

**MARY**

But it is a bit simplistic.

_The next few tastes go by quickly, the judges saying nothing more than a small comment on flavor or design-_

**MELANIE**

Blueberry and ginger cake.

_The judges taste it, messy forkfuls of sponge and berry._

**PAUL**

It’s very moist, it falls apart from the blueberries. The fruit on top is good, very beautiful, but messy.

_She takes a seat, glaring._

**NIKOLA**

I made a raspberry chocolate layer cake with homemade fondant.

_Angle on her cake. It is simple, it would not stand out in a lineup of desserts and the judges know that._

**PAUL**

It’s bland. The fondant is bland, the chocolate weak, and the raspberry does not come through at all.

**MARY**

I agree.

_Nikola does not look flustered as she returns to her place._

**AGNES**

I give you Irish crème brulee cheesecake with ginger.

_Mary and Paul bite into it and wince slightly._

**MARY**

The ginger is very, very strong. It overpowers the liqueur flavor drowning everything in ginger heat.

**PAUL**

Your presentation is neat, the brulee perfect on top (he taps it with his fork, demonstrating the firmness) but just overdid it with the ginger.

_Daisy walks confidently to the front of the room, the cake small in her muscled arms._

**DAISY**

I made a peach ricotta layer cake with browned buttercream, topped with peaches.

_The judges look at her in surprise. The cake is dainty, delicate, almost the opposite of Daisy herself. They taste it._

**MARY**

I like the springy taste, it’s clean and refreshing.

**PAUL**

The only thing is the layers are uneven between the ricotta and buttercream, it’s not consistent throughout.

_Daisy walks back without another word, although the camera focuses on the small lift to the corner of her mouth._

**** _Sasha’s Victoria sponge is pronounced passable, albeit a bit boring._

_Focus on Helen as she sets her cake down. The spiral of green and yellow is mesmerizing._

**HELEN**

Mint and lemon spiral cake.

**MARY**

Wow. This is spectacular. I’m almost afraid to cut into it!

**PAUL**

I’m not, although it is gorgeous. The distribution of mint frosting is nice and even. (He cuts into it) Cuts quite nicely.

**MARY**

I am absolutely in love with this flavor combination. The lemon tang, the coolness of the mint, everything beautifully done.

**HELEN**

(Laughing) Thank you!

_Oliver is next. The camera focuses on the cake as he walks. An elegant design of dark frosting webs across it, ropes crisscrossing with precise disorder._

**OLIVER**

This is my death-by-chocolate.

**PAUL**

(through a mouthful) I can see why now. (Swallows) That is rich.

**MARY**

I love the presentation, it looks very beautiful. The different kinds of chocolate are elegant and melt in your mouth.

**PAUL**

Just a tad too moist.

_Close up on his smile, teeth brilliant in his dark face._

_Jon brings up his tiramisu next._

**PAUL**

It looks absolutely impeccable. The layers are even, the coffee nice and dark, everything even with almost mathematical precision.

_Pan to Jon’s station. A ruler sits atop his counter. Pan back to the front where he is smirking slightly. They taste it and he holds his breath._

**MARY**

It’s not strong enough for my liking, but the flavors are definitely there. Excellent cake, however.

_Angle on Simon taking small, careful steps. His cake is precariously balanced, the stream of candies wobbling slightly. He sets it down gently in front of the judges._

**SIMON**

I baked a gravity-defying chocolate cake, with ladyfingers on the sides.

**MARY**

Interesting idea there. It is pleasing to look at, I hope it tastes just as good as it looks. (she cuts out a slice and they both take a bite)

**PAUL**

The sponge is just right, light and airy, the effect you’ve managed to create with the candy spilling is fantastic, the only issue I have is with the ladyfingers. (He taps one with his fork) They are quite dense, something you want to avoid.

**SIMON**

I’ll take that into consideration.

_The last to go is Martin. The camera follows his timid steps forward, the cake in his hands a little drab._

**MARTIN**

I made an apple cinnamon cake with cinnamon in the glaze.

_He watches as they taste it, apprehensive._

**MARY**

I must say I am quite surprised. Just from looking at it, you wouldn’t begin to guess at the flavor inside. I love what you’ve done!

**PAUL**

The outside is not the most beautiful thing, although it isn’t _horrible_ to look at. But everything on the inside? Perfect.

_The camera focuses on him as he walks back to his seat, grinning shyly. Cut to Jon, who is also beaming, although it was not his bake._

_Pan across the tent, showing the face of each baker- some looking satisfied, others disappointed, all tired._

_Cut to an outdoor shot of Melanie, standing in the field. She is trying hard to control her frustration._

**MELANIE**

I’m upset that things didn’t go as planned, for some reason the berries just…didn’t work. I’ve got the technical and the showstopper left, I can pull through this.

_Tim takes her place._

**TIM**

Am I frustrated? Not really, no. I had a bit of a rocky start, but I got there in the end, hopefully, I can hang on for the rest of the weekend and maybe into the next. (Smiling) Honestly, as nerve-wracking and intense as that was, I kinda enjoyed that. Adrenaline junkie, but with baking competitions.

_Dissolve to see Martin in the same place as those before him. He is happy, grinning at the camera._

**MARTIN**

They liked it! I can’t believe it. It’s the most unexpected thing to have happened all… maybe ever? (He buries his head in his hands, still beaming)

_The camera switches back to the tent. The surfaces are clean of all trace of baking, the bakers refreshed after a short break. Their aprons, however, are still decorated with the remnants of the morning’s challenge._

_Paul, Mary, Mel, and Sue stand yet again at the front of the room. Sue claps her hands together._

**SUE**

Well, bakers, you survived the first challenge! Give yourselves a pat on the back, a bit of encouragement and positivity.

_Pan to show the contestants, all smiling, giving themselves congratulations. Jon turns to Martin and mutters something the mics don’t catch, but from the reaction on his face, we can tell it was something very pleasant._

_Mel leans forward with the air of sharing a deep secret._

**MEL**

You’re going to need it. It’s the technical challenge, a challenge that is very technical!

_Sue rolls her eyes as Paul gives a dry chuckle._

**SUE**

Your powers of observation _astound_ me. For today’s bake, you will be following a recipe by none other than the great (she speaks with the voice of a sports announcer) Mary Berry herself! Paul and Mary would like you to bake a Charlotte Royale cake. You will find all ingredients and instructions at your stations. The clock is set for three hours, bakers.

**MEL**

Now, Paul and Mary, you are being banished from this land! (She gently pokes them out of the tent) Now that they’re gone, it’s time to party-

**SUE**

Ready-

**MEL**

Set-

**SUE**

BAKE!

_Moving as one, the contestants rifle through their ingredients, quickly scanning the recipe they’ve been given._

_Angle on Sasha who is reading the paper, brushing the ends of her brown hair against her palm._

**SASHA**

There isn’t much on here if I’m being honest. Pretty vague- “Bake the sponge, spread with jelly, roll into rounds and-“ (She grimaces) This one is going to be tough.

_Cut to Jane who is mirroring Sasha a few stations over._

**JANE**

I have no idea what this is even supposed to look like. A dome? What?

_Angle on Paul and Mary, sitting at a table covered with a white tablecloth. In the center of it is a baked Charlotte Royale. It is a dome of sliced swiss rolls of yellow sponge and jam, filled with a creamy bavarois._

**PAUL**

What are we going to be expecting from the bakers today?

**MARY**

First, we need a good swiss roll. The proportions need to be perfect with the sponge and jam rolled very tightly. Then they need to be sliced to the perfect thickness, layered in the bowl close together. The bavarois should be smooth, creamy, and thick.

_She cuts into it and lifts out a slice for her and Paul. He takes a bite._

**PAUL**

The sponge shouldn’t be soggy from the filling, nice and chilled.

**MARY**

A well-baked Charlotte Royale is truly a delight to eat.

_They clink their forks together._

_Back to the baking tent. The atmosphere here is quite different from the relaxation Paul and Mary were enjoying. Focus on Basira who is reading the recipe, muttering to herself. As she scans the list of ingredients, she taps each respective container._

**BASIRA**

Eggs…sugar…flour…strawberries…raspberry liqueur…gelatine…arrowroot- what even is that?

_Shift to Helen. She has already begun baking._

**HELEN**

First, we need to make the jam, it has to cool before it can be used in the swiss rolls.

_She plops a knob of butter into an already boiling pot of raspberries and sugar syrup, stirring vigorously._

**HELEN**

I’ve got the feeling this one is going to be right up my alley. Swiss rolls have always been something I’m good at.

_Slight pan to show the room at large. A few people are still reading the recipe in confusion, but most have made some slight progress on the first few steps._

**JON**

It’s quite straightforward.

_He doesn’t look straight into the camera as he speaks, watching his saucepan with careful eyes._

**JON**

First, make the jam. While it sets, make the sponge. Roll together, slice, layer with the bavarois cream and chill. (He shrugs)

_Cut to Agnes as she pours her jam into a clear bowl. She wraps it in clear plastic before placing it to the side to set._

**AGNES**

Not sure what constitutes ‘set’ enough here, but I’ve made jam before. Now for the sponge- (she groans as she reads the recipe again). They could’ve put a few more details here. I have so many questions…

_From the next table over, Gertrude chuckles in sympathy as she stirs her jam._

**GERTRUDE**

I’m with you there, dearie. Just trust your gut, I suppose.

**AGNES**

(Glowering) I suppose. ‘Whisk the eggs, sugar, and flour together. Pour into pans and bake until golden brown.’ How long? What temperature? What’s the consistency needed for the batter?

_Mel and Sue sidle up to the pair of them._

**MEL**

I see you have discovered the catch.

**GERTRUDE**

If by catch you mean fatal flaw, then yes, we have.

**SUE**

Sadly, there can be no conferring between bakers about the instructions, but I’ve got a feeling you will figure it out.

_She taps her nose knowingly before walking off. Close up on Agnes throwing her hands into the air._

_Shot of Daisy, standing at her mixer. She is whipping eggs and sugar together, the look on her face telling us she has no idea what she is doing but nobody can stop her from doing it._

**DAISY**

(Gruffly) Just going to beat until soft peaks form then fold in the flour. That seems logical.

_She turns back to her mixing bowl, switching it off and testing it. The mixture runs off her spatula and she shakes her head, beating it again._

_Cut to Melanie pouring her sponge batter into two rectangular pans._

**MELANIE**

This is the only part I’m confident in. (Harsh laugh) Just have to fake the rest of it.

_Wide-angle view of the tent, bakers messing about with the batter. Oliver bends down and slides his into the oven._

**OLIVER**

I’m baking at 415 Fahrenheit for twelve ish minutes to start, there was no direction on how to bake it.

 _Close-up on his hands, pale batter standing out against his skin, as he sets his timer. He smiles at the camera, mouthing the words_ help me, please.

_The camera switches to a shot of Jon and Martin’s benches. Original focus on Martin, who laughs heartily at something Nikola said. Zoom to Jon, his face slightly slack, his eyes bright. His hands move of their own accord and he is brought back to earth by a crunch. He looks down, surprised to find a crushed egg in his bowl of batter. He mutters darkly as he scrapes it into the bin._

**JON**

Stupid…can’t focus…his laugh…

_He starts again, rushing to compensate for lost time, trying to ignore Martin, who is looking at him in concern._

_Back to Simon, his white hair mussed about his forehead. We see why when he bends down, leaning against the oven door. When he pulls back there is a smudge, the vague outline of a nose left behind._

**SIMON**

Not ready yet, I don’t think. I’ll give it (pause, considering his clock) two more minutes.

_Angle on Sasha as she tears off parchment paper, dusting it with castor sugar. She slides back to her oven, checking it again._

**SASHA**

I think they’re almost ready. The edges are shrinking, not sure if that’s supposed to happen, though.

_She shrugs, shoving her hands into oven mitts and pulling out her sponge. With a bang, she lets them fall to the countertop._

_Transition to a profile view of Jane, also checking her oven._

**JANE**

(Worried) The tops have got a bit of a dome, I hope that will turn out fine.

_Tim calls out to her encouragingly._

**TIM**

I’m sure they’ll work great! Just don’t burn them, I’m afraid there aren’t any fire extinguishers.

**JANE**

Sadly.

**TIM**

(Agreeing) Sadly.

_Cut to Jon, his sponges turned out onto a cooling rack. He considers them critically._

**JON**

Passable. Not the best, but for a first bake, I’m proud of them.

_Back to Melanie. She half jogs over to the bench where Helen is closing her oven door, her sponge safe on the counter._

**MELANIE**

Can I borrow a knife? I think you’ve got the lot of them here.

**HELEN**

Take your pick.

_She gestures at the wide array of tools on her countertop._

**MELANIE**

Thanks.r

_She selects a short one, returning to her station with reckless abandon for the sharp tool in her hands._

_Close up on her face, screwed up in concentration, as she trims the edges of her sponges. With a practiced flick of her wrist, she scores a line partially through the short end of the sponge rectangle. She repeats the motion, setting the knife to the side briskly._

_Cut to Martin. His sponge cools on a rack to the left of his other ingredients._

**MARTIN**

Time to start with the hard things, I suppose. Here goes nothing-

_Holding his breath, he spread the now-firm jam over the top of the sponge. Angle on Basira doing the same thing a few benches over. Her hands move in quick, fluid motions, evenly coating the sponge in jam._

**BASIRA**

I have no idea what I’m doing here, but I’ll eat my shoe if I don’t give it my all.

_Feet away, Tim drops a pan._

**TIM**

(Groaning) Not again…

_He picks up the tin, showing a concerned Mel the remains of his sponge._

**TIM**

Gotta start over. Again.

**MEL**

I’m so sorry. Is there anything I can help with?

**TIM**

Not unless you can turn back time.

**MEL**

Unfortunately, I don’t think I can do that today. Maybe- SUE!

_Sue materializes at her shoulder._

**SUE**

You called?

**MEL**

Did you bring the time machine today?

**SUE**

(Patting her pockets) I forgot, I normally have it with me. (To Tim) Now, this is embarrassing. What’s a lady without her time-altering device?

**TIM**

(Smiling even as he begins work on his second batter) A barbarian?

**MEL**

You are absolutely right. Sue and I are horrible people, and for that, I apologize.

_Tim laughs and they leave, looking satisfied at having cheered him up a bit._

_Pan to Nikola, fussing over her sponge and jam mixture._

**NIKOLA**

Something’s not right here, I can feel it…

_Focus on her tray. The jam is runny, soaking into the sponge. She shrugs._

**NIKOLA**

No idea what, though. Oh well!

_She grins, her voice cheery. The amount of pleasure she derives from looking disaster in the face and deciding to flirt is strangely large. It is quite possible this will be her downfall._

_The camera switches, focusing on Jon. He is moving quickly, gradually pulling ahead of his competition. With practiced hands, he rolls the sponge and jam together, watching carefully._

**JON**

No cracks, it’s all even, this is looking good.

_He repeats with the remaining sponge. The camera zooms into his completed rolls, laying on his cutting board._

_Cut to Helen, a step behind Jon. She also rolls her sponge with ease, although the finished result is not quite as neat as his. It is, however, very good looking._

**HELEN**

There! That was simple. (Pulling a bowl toward her) Now for the filling.

_She pushes raspberries through a sieve, stirring in a splash of this and that._

_Focus on Oliver. He is struggling with his bake, the roll coming out uneven. He growls, low in his throat, as a crack appears in the sponge. At this point, there isn’t time to start over, so he continues slowly._

_Back to Gertrude. She bends low, eyes level with the countertop as she stares critically at her red-and-yellow swirled swiss roll._

**SUE V.O.**

Once they have completed their swiss rolls, the bakers must work quickly to create the filling, which needs to be chilled before being added to the cake.

_Close up on Agnes, the camera peering out between containers of flour and sugar. With shaking hands, she cuts through her swiss roll, slicing slightly uneven pieces that thud to the side of her cutting board._

**AGNES**

It’s times like these I wish I was able to handle pressure better.

_From the table next door, we see Gertrude frown sympathetically, saying nothing as she cuts her pieces._

_Back to Martin, hands braced against the countertop as he reads aloud_.

**MARTIN**

‘Heat milk on the stove, whisk wet ingredients until creamy. Add gelatin.’ Thanks a lot, that’s very helpful.

_He rolls his eyes sarcastically, putting on a pot of milk to heat all the same._

_Behind him, Tim is just beginning to spread his new sponge with jam. His face is showing signs of worry again, lines deepening into a frown when Sue takes to the front of the tent._

**SUE**

One hour, forty-five minutes left, bakers!

_He mutters something under his breath, hurriedly returning to his task._

_Cut to Simon, who is slicing his swiss rolls._

**SIMON**

No idea how thick to make these. Going with about two inches, hopefully that will work?

_Pan to include Oliver in the shot. Oliver is engrossed in a pot on the stove, but he calls over his shoulder all the same._

**OLIVER**

Maybe next time, they’ll remember the directions!

_Simon laughs._

_Angle on Daisy as she drains liquid from her pot of custard. Her swiss rolls are covered in tin foil to the side of her stove to keep them from drying out. Without a word, she works fast, returning the custard to the heat to continue cooking._

_Cut to Jane, who is speaking to Mel and Sue._

**JANE**

You have to watch the custard carefully, if it boils the whole thing goes to Hades and you have to start over.

**TIM**

(chiming in) You DON’T want to do that!

**SUE**

It looks delicious, would you mind if I (she gestures with a spoon and Agnes laughs)

**JANE**

Go right ahead. Tell me what you think.

**MEL**

Quite good, quite good, but I think I need another bite just to make sure…

_Her attempts at custard recovery are thwarted and they leave Jane to her bake._

_Aerial view of the tent. All bakers have completed their swiss rolls and are starting on the filling. Angle on Jon, who is ahead of the game. He brushes past Martin, hips brushing in an attempt to get to the fridge. This time he manages it open alone and slides his custard in to cool._

_The camera switches to focus on Gertrude._

**GERTRUDE**

I think I overfilled the rolls, they’re kind of oozing out the sides as I cut them. (she pokes at a glob of filling) I’ll have to make do.

 **** _Back to Tim, his rolled sponges displayed proudly. He pulls out a knife and begins to slice them._

_Focus on Martin, stirring something on the stove. His swiss rolls sliced and ready on the side, a small bowl of raspberry puree next to them. The rolls are a little uneven, the color of the sponge not quite right._

_Cut to Melanie, her face set in stone. She rinses something off in the sink, frustrated. Sue stands next to her._

**SUE**

What went wrong?

**MELANIE**

(Harsh) I have no idea. The custard just curdled.

_She returns to the stove, pouring milk into a fresh pan._

_Angle on Mel, standing in the front of the tent._

**MEL**

One hour left, bakers!

_Panic has begun to set in. The motion in the tent increases, fridge doors opening and shutting loudly as the bakers hurry to get their bavarois to cool. Zoom on Agnes poking hers with a spoon, testing its thickness. She grimaces, it’s still very runny._

_Extreme close up on a timer reading_ 5:36 _, slowly blinking through the seconds. The shot widens and we see it is Jon’s. He covers a large glass bowl in cling wrap, determined._

**JON**

I’m about to start layering the swiss rolls, this is the tricky part.

_We watch as he places one in the center of the bowl, then adds another next to it. He pushes them together, leaving no gap. Quickly the inside of the bowl is coated with the slices, some a little larger than the others._

_Cut to Oliver standing in the middle of the room, hands on his head. He groans loudly._

**NIKOLA**

What’s wrong?

**OLIVER**

My cream won’t set, I’m running out of time.

_Nikola groans in sympathy, her hand busy with her work. She has the bavarois on the stove but she has not yet rolled her sponge. Taking a deep breath, she lifts one end and begins to roll it over. Immediately it dissolves under her fingers, soggy. Without showing any sign of panic she quickly finishes both of them._

_Close up on Daisy, her brow furrowed as she layers the slices in the bowl. We can see a few gaps in between them._

**DAISY**

I have to hurry, this needs a half hour at least to chill or it will just melt.

_Finished, she scoops the bavarois, a light pink color of cream, into the bowl of swiss rolls. She smooths the top over then layers the few remaining slices over that, sealing it. With a sigh of relief, she tucks it into the fridge._

_Quick shot of Jon, scrubbing his station clean. His completed Charlotte Royale is in the fridge, Daisy, Basira, Sasha, and Simon quickly joining the ranks of completion._

_Angle on Melanie. She is plopping slices into her bowl._

**MELANIE**

I have no idea what I’m doing. How is this even going to work?

_She shrugs at the camera, scooping the bavarois over the rolls._

_Cut to Tim, speaking to an interested Sue._

**TIM**

I just had to restart the sponge, but everything else has gone by relatively smoothly. It’s not very pretty, I’m afraid, they can’t all look like you (he winks)

**SUE**

Well, that is a crying shame.

_Back to Jon, leaning against his countertop, looking slightly bored._

**JON**

Do you want to see a picture of the best cat in the entire world?

**MEL**

Absolutely!

 _She leans over his shoulder, looking at something on his phone. She_ aww’s _appreciatively._

**MEL**

Is it yours?

**JON**

Not really? The Admiral is my exes, but he is my son biologically. (He grins, letting her know it was a joke)

_Dissolve to a shot of Jon on the floor of his flat, playing with an overweight tuxedo cat. Georgie stands in the background, watching exasperatedly._

**MEL V.O.**

Jon works a day job to provide for his ex-girlfriend's cat. He enjoys baking as a hobby.

_Cut to Sue in the tent._

**SUE**

Fifteen minutes!

_Wide shot of the entire room. About half of them, like Jon, have completed their Charlotte Royale and are waiting for it to set. The other half are just pulling theirs out of the fridge._

_Angle on Daisy’s hands as she turns the bowl out onto a cake stand, the Charlotte Royale sagging slightly. She groans, removing the plastic wrap from the top of it._

_Cut to Martin who is in a similar position. His Charlotte Royale has chilled, but taking it out of the bowl is something he is unsure of. He considers several approaches, nervous about making a mistake._

_Just as he is about to flip the bowl over haphazardly, Jon appears at his elbow._

**JON**

Can I help?

_Martin nods gratefully, and with the two of them, they place the cake onto the stand._

**MARTIN**

Thank you so much

**JON**

My pleasure.

_Close up on-_

**SUE**

One minute left!

_With a plop, Nikola places her cake on the stand. She is the last one to finish._

**MEL**

Times up, bakers, please step away from your cakes!

_Quick transition to Paul and Mary walking up and down the long table, completed Charlotte Royales in a row. At the front of the table is a picture of each baker, allowing everyone but the judges to identify it._

**PAUL**

Let’s start with this one, shall we?

_They stand at Tim’s cake._

**MARY**

The sponge is slightly under-baked, which has caused issues within the rolls. Do you see they aren’t quite symmetrical?

**PAUL**

The cream inside is good, nice and firm, but the outer shell of the sponge isn’t right.

_They move on to Jane’s._

**PAUL**

We’ve got a good spiral, the proportions are right. (Cutting into it) But the bavarois isn’t set, it needed a few more minutes on the stove.

**MARY**

It’s far too runny.

_Angle on her face, slightly disappointed. They move down the row, the cake is Daisy’s._

**MARY**

The flavors are there, but we’ve got cracks in the sponge.

_Almost imperceptibly, Daisy nods. The next one is Gertrude’s._

**PAUL**

The dome is a little flat, but the jam is spot on.

_Next is Basira._

**MARY**

The sponge doesn’t hold it’s shape well, it needed a few more minutes in the oven. It’s all fallen flat, you see, the rolls are no longer clearly defined.

_Melanie next._

**PAUL**

The slices are uneven here, this one didn’t have enough to cover the top so it’s just oozing out the bottom.

_Helen’s cake is judged._

**PAUL**

The spiral here is quite distinct here, everything is evenly proportioned.

**MARY**

The filling is nice and firm, but the raspberry could’ve been just a _tad_ stronger.

_Agnes’ cake is pronounced passable, a bit over-baked. They move on to Sasha’s_

**MARY**

I quite like this one, it’s got a good flavor to it.

**PAUL**

The sponge is slightly raw.

_Sasha winces. Martin’s tested next. They cut into it, the filling staying firm._

**PAUL**

The swirl of jam is quite small, there isn’t enough of it, but other than that it’s a delightful Charlotte Royale.

**MARY**

Perfectly baked, just needed more jam.

_Martin smiles, stifling it with a hand. The judges lift a slice out of Simon’s bake._

**MARY**

The flavors are delightful, although the cake is slightly slack. Underbaked, too, by the looks of it.

_Simon runs a hand through his hair, grinning. Oliver watches as they taste his cake._

**PAUL**

The fruit flavor is rather weak here, swallowed by the creaminess of the bavarois. The sponge is a good texture.

_Nikola holds her breath as they cut open hers. As soon as the knife leaves the cake, all the filling runs out onto the plate._

**MARY**

This is really runny, it wasn’t able to support the dome shape we needed.

**PAUL**

The sponge is way too soft, the combination of that and the runny bavarois does not look at all appetizing.

**MARY**

(Chewing) I actually quite like the taste of it.

_Nikola shrugs softly, that’s a partial win for her._

_Jon is the last bake to be tasted. The judges pause before cutting in, considering it._

**PAUL**

This is perfect on the outside. The swirl of jam, the thickness of the slices, everything spot on.

_They each take a bite._

**MARY**

The cream is firm, well baked. The flavors aren’t anything special, but combined with the spectacular outer shell it is a splendid Charlotte Royale.

_Jon smirks ever so slightly_

_The camera angle widens slowly as Paul and Mary walk up and down the table, whispering to each other about each cake. Transition to the bakers, sitting in a row of chairs, watching this stressfully._

_Finally, Paul straightens up._

**PAUL**

In last place, we have this one, whose is it?

_Nikola raises her hand._

**MARY**

The sponge wasn’t firm and the bavarois was runny.

**PAUL**

In thirteenth is this one-

_Melanie raises her hand. She is so short her hand barely reaches higher than Martin’s head._

**MARY**

Twelfth place goes to this one here.

_Jane claims it as her cake._

**PAUL**

We have this one in eleventh.

_He indicates Basira’s cake. Not even batting an eye, she raises her hand._

**MARY**

In tenth place is-

**OLIVER**

That one’s mine.

**SUE V.O.**

Daisy comes in ninth, Agnes in eighth, Tim seventh, Gertrude sixth, and Simon lands fifth.

_As she speaks, we see quick shots of each baker claiming their Charlotte Royale. Paul walks over to Sasha’s cake._

**PAUL**

In fourth place, we have this one.

**SASHA**

(Happy) That’s me!

**MARY**

Third place goes to this one.

**MARTIN**

(Beaming) I made that one.

**PAUL**

This one comes in second, whose is it?

_Helen raises her hand._

**MARY**

Which leaves this one as Jon’s. Congratulations, this was almost perfect.

_The bakers clap and pat Jon on the back. He smiles. Angle on Martin, watching him closely._

_Cut to a shot of Nikola standing outside. She grimaces slightly._

**NIKOLA**

I’m not sure what happened. Hopefully, I can save my place tomorrow in the showstopper, but my hopes aren’t high.

_Transition to an aerial view of the bakers walking back into the tent. From the surroundings, we can tell it is early morning. Everybody looks refreshed and ready to start a new day of baking._

_Wide shot of everybody putting on their aprons. Daisy helps Basira with the tie, quickly knotting it into a bow._

_The judges stand before them, Mel and Sue pacing slightly._

**MEL**

Goooood morning bakers! Today is your showstopper challenge, a bake of massive proportions.

**SUE**

Today, Paul and Mary would like you to make 200 cupcakes, half one flavor and the other half differently themed.

 **** _Angle on a shocked Agnes. Transition to Sasha, her mouth set in a firm line._

**SUE**

You will have five hours to bake your cupcakes, frost them, and decorate them as you see fit. On your marks-

**MEL**

Get set-

**SUE**

BAKE!

_Focus on Jane. She hurriedly pulls several cupcake tins out of a cabinet, sending them clattering to the floor. Transition to Melanie, looking like she is about to embark on a dangerous journey from which she might never return._

**MELANIE**

Today it’s all or nothing, I’m pretty far down in the ranks I think. I have to impress the judges somehow.

_Cut to a sketch of two cupcakes._

**SUE V.O.**

Melanie is making vanilla with lemon filling and chocolate with cherry jam center for her cupcakes. They will be topped with delicate sugar work.

 **** _Switch to watch Daisy crack eggs into a massive mixing bowl. She empties almost an entire carton of eggs into it. She dumps in carefully measured flour and other dry ingredients._

**DAISY**

When you’re working on something this big, it’s helpful to start large and go from there.

 **** _A drawing of her cupcakes takes the frame._

**MEL V.O.**

Daisy’s herbed sponge will serve as the base for both of her cupcakes. One will be topped with cream cheese frosting and nuts, the other decorated with decadent chocolate and caramel.

_Pan to watch Martin lining his cupcake tins. To the side we see several carrots, waiting to be washed and shredded._

**MARTIN**

I’m making half of them carrot cake, the other half strawberry sponge with vanilla icing.

_His words are terse and hurried; he is anxious._

**MARTIN**

It’s such a huge scale, I have no idea how I’m supposed to make them _all_ look good. (He shakes his head ever so slightly)

_Cut to Paul standing outside of the tent._

**PAUL**

Each of the cupcakes needs to be identical to the others, that’s the tricky part here. The bakers have to balance baking for two cupcakes, whether that be two kinds of sponge, frosting, baking times, or sets of decorations, it is going to be a lot of juggling.

_Back to the tent again. A series of shots flash- eggs being cracked, flour being mixed into batter, tins being greased or lined with papers._

_Angle on Oliver pouring his batter into several tins._

**OLIVER**

That’s twenty-four… forty-eight… ninety-six… one hundred forty-four…two hundred twelve.

_He looks up at the camera._

**OLIVER**

Always good to have extra, you know. And now I can get these into the oven (he slots one pan after the other into the oven) to bake. I have to bake them in half batches, there isn’t enough room.

**SUE V.O.**

Oliver’s salted caramel and berry cupcakes will both be baked at the same temperature, making it easier for him to balance the two flavors of sponge. They will be decorated with sea salt and his signature meringue bits, respectively.

_Angle on Nikola’s hands as she sets her timer._

**NIKOLA**

This one is for the chocolate cupcakes, and this one (she fidgets with a second timer) is for the vanilla. This is going to be a lot more difficult than I imagined. (Grimacing) Baking is hard!

_A drawing of her cupcakes takes the screen._

**MEL V.O.**

Nikola is baking two cupcakes inverse with each other. Half will be chocolate with vanilla frosting, the other half vanilla with chocolate frosting, both with matching toppings of hazelnut sticks.

_Cut to Tim, sliding trays into his oven. He stands up, brushing his hands together._

**TIM**

Well, that’s done-

_He breaks off as the judges approach._

**PAUL**

Hello, Tim, how is your bake going so far?

_Tim smiles easily._

**TIM**

Well, as of right now, things are going great, but we’ll have to wait and see how the sponge is going to work.

_Sue hands him a wooden spatula and knocks a spoon against it._

**SUE**

Here’s to not dropping your cupcakes!

_He laughs._

**MARY**

Tell us about your cupcakes.

**TIM**

I’m making half of them a garden blueberry and cream sponge, topped with fresh berries of course. The other half I’m going with simple chocolate with spun sugar topping.

**PAUL**

That sounds a little simple for a showstopper, your presentation will have to compensate if the flavors aren’t strong enough.

**TIM**

(Winking) I think I’ve got it.

_They leave him to his work._

_Cut to Jon, his hair frizzing slightly in the heat of the tent. He is drawing something on graph paper, muttering to himself. The angle shifts onto his oven, cupcakes starting to turn golden brown inside it._

**SUE V.O.**

Jon is going with an old-fashioned theme for all 200 of his cupcakes today.

_A drawing of his model cupcakes flashes across the screen._

**SUE V.O.**

Half a sweet apple cake and buttercream, half an oat and coconut cupcake.

**JON**

My gran used to make oat and coconut cake for Sunday tea at least once a month. As a child, I loved watching her bake, so I decided to take her recipe and just (he gestures) twist it to fit cupcakes.

_Shift to an ever-widening shot of Gertrude and Agnes at their stations. Agnes pauses, leaning forward to ask Gertrude a question. She responds seriously, Agnes nodding in comprehension and returning to her bake._

_Focus on Gertrude, stirring something on the stove._

**GERTRUDE**

I’ve got my sponge in the oven right now, half I will take it out in a minute here and add some pineapple to before finishing the baking time.

_She scrapes vigorously as she speaks, not looking into the camera._

**MEL V.O.**

Gertrude’s pineapple cranberry cupcakes are more difficult to get right, the moisture from the pineapple possibly giving her problems. They will be served along with a simple lemon cupcake.

_Angle on Jane checking her oven._

**JANE**

(Worried) It’s been about a half-hour, normally they cook all the way through but the centers are still very, very wet. (To Sue at her side) I’m making strawberry margarita and triple vanilla cupcakes, but I’m not feeling too hot about the sponge…

_A series of scenes flash, time passing quickly. We see Agnes pull her cupcakes out of the oven, some slightly larger than the others. She shrugs, placing them on the cooling racks barehanded, not even wincing at the heat._

_Cut to Martin, head leaning against the countertop as staggered timers go off, alerting him to the finishing of each successive branch. The shot widens to include Jon, looking over at him in concern before glancing away._

_Transition to Melanie using a knife to pry her cupcakes out of the tin. A few crumble in the process and she swears under her breath._

_Angle on Helen, her plain vanilla cakes unassuming while she whips up frosting. She divides it into bowls, dye uncorked next to them._

_Quick pan to the front of the tent, Mel and Sue taking the place of the harbingers of doom._

**SUE**

Halfway through the challenge, bakers!

**MEL**

(Stage-whispering) That’s two and a half hours left for those of you too knackered for basic math.

_Simon chuckles, the collar of his shirt lopsided. It’s not quite as violently colored as the day before but still is garish shades of pink and orange._

**SIMON**

I’m making a bit more floral sponge today, half of them are strawberry and the others are lime.

_He indicates a truly impressive array of cupcakes. The lime cupcakes don’t seem quite right, but too much time has passed for him to fix it. Simon turns back to his mixing bowl, adding a pinch of dried herbs to the frosting._

**SIMON**

For aromatic purposes.

_Cut to Sasha, her hair a bit of a mess and face flushed. Her bake station, however, is very neat. Paul and Mary walk up to her._

**MARY**

Good morning Sasha!

**SASHA**

(Terse but not unkind) Morning.

**MARY**

You are very clean, I see, have you even baked at all?

**SASHA**

(Chuckling) Yeah, I get that a lot. I just need everything to be organized, you know? (Paul nods, he can appreciate this) And yeah, I’m working on the filling for my cupcakes right now while the actual sponge cools.

**SUE V.O.**

Sasha’s lemon cupcakes will be filled with lemon curd, the chocolate sponge given a shot of extra strength chocolate syrup.

_Cut to Helen, her hands flying across a sheet of unbaked pastry with a knife. Mel stands a safe distance back, curious._

**MEL**

What are you making now?

**HELEN**

I am making mini puff pastry spirals to top all of my cupcakes. Half of them are going to be a red velvet of my own invention and the other half a nutty banana sponge.

**MEL**

That sounds like a _lot_ of work.

_She shrugs, her large shoulders at odds with the delicacy of her tall frame._

**HELEN**

You got to take risks, do something to stand out.

 **** _Transition to a panicked Jane._

**JANE**

The sponge is cooling alright, but my frosting just curdled. Not sure why, but-

_She dumps it into the bin._

**JANE**

Time to start again. If there is any time…

_We see a diagram of Jane’s cupcakes._

**SUE V.O.**

Jane’s cupcakes are going to be split among German chocolate and peanut butter pecan.

_Angle on Basira, her hijab today bright yellow against her dark skin. She briskly moves through the motions of frosting making, scooping the finished product into piping bags._

**BASIRA**

Decorating is going to be difficult at this scale, but I find it quite relaxing.

_She bends down and begins to pipe meticulous swirls of frosting onto a cupcake. The angle switches and we are watching from the level of the cupcake, the tops of the other cakes stretching almost endlessly._

**MEL V.O.**

Basira’s cinnamon and cream cheese cupcakes are the first to be adorned, the remaining coffee and caramel cakes drizzled with a mixture of the two syrups.

_Switch to a profile view of Basira in a cop uniform, handcuffs clinking at her belt._

**MEL V.O.**

Basira is a cop, working the high stress shifts giving her little to no time to practice her baking skills. Still, she managed and is here with us today.

_Back to the tent. The bakers have begun to frost their cupcakes, a tedious process that can’t be rushed. Angle on Oliver. His timer goes off and he sets his piping bag aside to pull a tray of meringues out of the oven. They slide as he sets them down, clinking against each other hollowly._

_Close up on Sasha inserting a plunger into the center of a cupcake, slowly injecting lemon curd into the sponge. She repeats the motion tirelessly. As she removes the tip, a sloppy hole is left behind._

_Cut to Jon, browning coconut in a pan. He dumps it onto a cutting board and chops it roughly._

**DAISY**

Hey, Sims, you done hogging the grater, or do you need a couple more years with it?

**JON**

Oh, sorry-

_He passes the tool to her. She grunts in gratitude, quickly running a handful of almonds over it, catching the remnants in a bowl._

**SUE**

One hour left!

_Martin looks up in shock, his hand shaking slightly as pipes frosting onto one of the few remaining bald cupcakes._

**MARTIN**

Geez, this is going way too fast.

**JON**

Tell me about it.

_Angle on Nikola, long fingers wrapped around the piping back. She squeezes delicate shapes onto her cupcakes, trying to mask their plainness._

_Cut to Basira drizzling a dark syrup over the tops of her frosted cupcakes. They look neat and clean._

_Pan to include Tim, Melanie, and Simon all rushing to finish frosting their cupcakes. Tim steals a sidelong glance at Sasha. She is arranging her cupcakes on a stand, waiting to add the finishing touches. He sighs and continues working._

_Focus on Martin, his face drawn and worried, as he pushes small strawberry slices into the frosting of his cupcakes. Close up on his shaking hands, accidentally dislodging a strawberry._

_Angle on Jon, arranging his completed cupcakes. They have a certain homey feel to them, something quite strange when attributed to him. The toasted coconut sets off a nice brown against the frosting, the apple cupcakes giving a spring feel to the whole arrangement._

_Transition to Oliver crushing his meringues._

**OLIVER**

Now to artfully scatter them-

_He does so, bits of white meringue landing on the soft pink frosting._

**MEL**

Thirty minutes until the end of your showstopper challenge.

_Frantic now, the bakers hurry to touch up their cupcakes and arrange them. Cut to Helen switching her cakes around several times before deciding on a symmetrically irregular pattern of red velvet and banana cupcakes._

_Close up on a swirl of frosting, the camera zooms out to watch as Agnes completes her final cupcake, adding it to the impressive display of cakery. She breathes a sigh of relief._

_The camera turns as Tim nestles a small puff of spun sugar atop his cakes, his fingers fumbling slightly with the delicate stuff._

_Most bakers have finished with their cupcakes, decorations finalized and organized into beautiful displays, but one man is still working. Or rather, two._

**SUE**

One minute left!!

_Jon arranges strawberry slices atop the final few cupcakes as Martin arranges them, two by two, on a rustic stand. When the call to step away arrives, they look at each other, Martin smiling gratefully. A flush creeps up Jon’s neck._

**MEL**

Please bring your showstoppers up to be judged, I promise this is the easiest part.

**SUE**

(Raising an eyebrow) Easiest?

**MEL**

Oh, my bad, I meant _hardest._

_The judging commences, Paul and Mary quickly delivering a verdict on each baker’s work. The comments alternate with shots of the baker’s face._

**PAUL**

Tim, your flavors were a little all over the place, but the presentation was nice.

**MARY**

Basira, your quality was impressive in such large quantity. Your cakes were all identical to each other, but unfortunately they were over baked.

**PAUL**

I love how you used puff pastry to decorate, Helen, it’s creative. The whole effect is very eye-catching.

**MARY**

Gertrude, I love how you used pineapple actually _inside_ the cupcake. It tastes very good, albeit moister around the fruit itself.

**PAUL**

Yesterday your ginger was flaming hot, today your spice game is quite reserved, Agnes.

**MARY**

Jane, the peanut butter didn’t get incorporated into the batter enough, there are pockets of goo where there shouldn’t be. The flavor is good, the texture just off.

**PAUL**

Your display was absolutely perfect, but the lime sponge needed a few more minutes in the oven. I did enjoy how you decorated with the flower petals, that was a beautiful effect.

**MARY**

Oliver, your meringue adds a nice crunch to the otherwise smooth cupcake. Delightful to eat.

**PAUL**

Your display is lacking, but your flavors are spot on with every single bite.

**MARY**

The nuts are very small, you don’t get the whole effect they should bring to the cupcake.

**PAUL**

Nikola, your sponge is dry. The decoration is simplistic, which you could cover with strong flavors, but they are really quite mellow. It’s not very fun to eat, the frosting gumming up your throat.

**MARY**

The way you used coconut was absolutely delicious, Jon, nice and crisp.

**PAUL**

The flavor combinations you used were unexpected, Melanie, but I quite enjoyed how bold they were.

**MARY**

Sasha, the chocolate in your cupcake was delightful!

 **** _It’s over. They have survived the first weekend, now for the hard part._

_Cut to Mary, Paul, Mel, and Sue sitting around a table in a different room._

**SUE**

So, after today’s showstopper, who is in the best position for star baker?

**MEL**

(Chuckling) Right to the point, aren’t you?

**SUE**

I’m curious!

**MARY**

Well, Helen has performed consistently. Her signature bake was unique and difficult, showcasing her abilities as a baker.

**PAUL**

Jon did really well in the technical, actually finishing a significant amount of time before the others and winning first place. Simon’s signature bake was interesting, his showstopper delivering on looks if not taste.

**MEL**

Now, who is on the other side of the spectrum?

**MARY**

Definitely Nikola. She consistently baked weak flavors with poor execution of her ideas.

**PAUL**

Tim’s had a rough go at it too, his sponge failing twice yesterday.

**SUE**

Do you know who is going to be eliminated today and who is going to win star baker?

_Mary and Paul look at each other for a moment._

_Cut to the inside of the tent, all the bakers waiting anxiously for the news shortly to come._

**MEL**

First I would like to say you all have done so well this weekend! We are very happy with how you have been interacting with each other and the challenges, providing us with entertainment and delicious food.

**SUE**

(Interjecting) Almost like dinner and a show.

**MEL**

Exactly! But one baker has clearly performed well this weekend, their bakes spiraling into the judges hearts-

**SUE**

And stomachs.

**MEL**

I have the great pleasure of crowning our first star baker, Helen!

_The bakers all clap and cheer for her, Helen smiling broadly._

**SUE**

That leaves me with the very hard task of saying goodbye to one of you. Unfortunately, that baker is-

_She pauses for dramatic tension. Close up on Nikola, cut to Tim’s worried face._

**SUE**

Nikola.

_Sue steps forward to give her a hug, muttering_ I’m so sorry. _The bakers follow suit, Nikola returning the affection stiffly._

_Cut to Martin outside the tent._

**MARTIN**

I can’t believe how well that went! This weekend was a whirlwind…the baking was fun too (he adds as an afterthought) I am so excited to be coming back next week.

 **** _Daisy sits cross legged under a tree, hands on her knees._

**DAISY**

I made it through. I made it through. I made it through.

_She repeats this mantra, almost to herself._

_Focus on Helen shaking hands all around. Her palms easily dwarf each of theirs._

**HELEN V.O.**

That was an incredible experience, I can’t wait to see what the rest of the season has in store!

 **** _Cut to black._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thoughts?  
> also i might change my update schedule, depending on circumstances. i'm a little written out as of right now  
> i can't add a picture bc formatting but look up charlotte royale cake! it's beautiful!
> 
> EDIT  
> i changed Oliver's relationship status from Oliver/Gerry to Oliver/Michael for reasons explained more fully in the next chapter. rest assured, we will shortly be getting more goth king moments than I had originally planned! gerard just got a little... promotion... if you will....  
> honestly i just gave oliver a husband on a whim, because he deserves to be happy y'know? so it's not hugely important to the plot (as of right now)


	3. The Extra Slice-Week One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A behind-the-scenes look at the creative process.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay wow this is gonna take a while i have recently made some very BIG changes
> 
> so you may have noticed the number of chapters doubled AND it is clearly not a wednesday. never fear! there are valid reasons for this! in doing research for the next chapter i came across a spin-off that used to air after the great british bake off would air on live tv. i'm not entirely sure of the premise, but it did include special scenes not included in the actual show I THINK DON'T QUOTE ME ON THAT
> 
> anyways this gave me a lightbulb moment. i have scenes beyond the scripted show that i wanted to include but couldn't figure out how, so this was the PERFECT moment to! i decided to add a short scene after each 'real' chapter for some bonus type content. scenes that aren't in script format/things that happen off-screen/etc. 
> 
> more info in the end notes, but for now, enjoy some bonus gerry content!

Gerard sat at his desk, staring at the computer screen. A small clip of video played. When it ended, he pressed the repeat button, watching again. And again. And again-

“Hey, Mr. Keay? Mel and Sue are here, they wanted to check on how the, er, what do you call it… directory process… is going?” The blonde woman clutched a clipboard to her chest as she talked, brushing short bangs out of her face. “Should I let them in?”

He sat back in his chair, groaning and running a hand through his hair. “Sure, Rosie, that sounds good.” He paused the video, the chipped black nail polish showing a small sign of his exhaustion.

Moments later, two women burst into the room.

“Gerry!”

He couldn’t suppress a grin, spinning around slowly in his chair to face them. “Hello, ladies, how are you today?”

Mel put a hand on her hip, turning to Sue. “Pretty well, pretty well. Better now, it’s always a _pleasure_ to see you!”

“That’s lovely to hear, and the pleasure is all mine. How can I help you?”

Sue leaned over his shoulder, tapping at something on the screen. “What’s all this?”

“Bits and pieces from the first episode, it hasn’t aired quite yet.” Gerry yawned, stifling it with hand decorated with silver rings and bracelets.

“The deadline’s getting pretty close, isn’t it?” Mel asked, concerned. “Is everything alright?”

“Oh, everything is just _wonderful_. I’m a one-man workforce here, trying to splice together an episode that people will want to watch, creating storylines and subplots on a baking show so we get views and don’t all lose our jobs. I haven’t slept for two days and am mostly made of caffeine and spite at this point, everything’s great!” He grinned, slightly manic.

“That,” Sue swallowed, “does not sound wonderful, actually. It sounds sarcastic if I’m being honest.”

Gerry clapped her on the shoulder, a feat that should have been impossible given the fact that he was currently draped across the chair like a sack of rice and she was standing. Somehow, he managed. “Congratulations, you have cracked the code- it’s all sarcasm.”

Mel frowned. “Is there anything we can help with?”

“Not really, no.”

“You sure?” Sue pressed. “You know we hate seeing you so down, it’s very demoralizing.”

“I appreciate the offer, I really do, but I’m just about done. Actually-“ He sat up, thinking. “There might be something.”

They crouched around his computer as he began to search through many files. “Your desktop is a mess! You need an organizational system, mate,” Mel advised.

“There is one,” he muttered through gritted teeth. The women just looked at each other, deciding not to press further.

“Ah, there we are…” Gerry pressed play on a video file.

“Is this-“

“Clips from the episode, yeah, just watch.”

And watch they did. It wasn’t very long, just over seven minutes. “What exactly are we looking at here?” Sue asked carefully, trying to phrase her question in a positive light. “It was all Jon and Martin, but other than that it didn’t seem to have an underlying theme or anything.”

He sank back in his chair, eyes bright. “Underlying theme? Just Jon and Martin? That’s the whole point! Look at this.” He rewound the video to a short scene of Jon staring at Martin laughing, accidentally smashing an egg into his batter in distraction. “And then this one-“ A clip of the two of them brushing by each other then immediately blushing.

A look of comprehension dawned on Mel’s face. “You need a subplot, a little bit of drama, don’t you?”

He nodded. “Not only is this the perfect opportunity for diversity and consequently more viewers, but these two absolute idiots are also perfect for each other!”

Sue laughed, loud and clear. “I see now! You have been spending the past few days trying to coax a romance out of the footage, haven’t you?”

“Of course he has!” Mel exclaimed. “I noticed it too, there is some definite chemistry between the two of them.”

“ _Thank you_.” Gerry closed the file, turning away from the computer. “Is this a terrible idea?”

They rushed to assure him. “No, not at all! It’s a bloody brilliant idea.”

He sighed. “That’s a relief. Since I’m technically the producer/director/tech and lighting guy/slight muscle man, it’s a lot to juggle. But I think I’ve struck gold here with these two.” He indicated the paused shot of Martin staring at Jon with open adoration.

“Well, we will leave you to the genius that is the creative process slash matchmaking agency!” They left, the room much larger without them in it.

Gerry watched the video again, considering the footage from every angle. Muttering, he took a sip of coffee. “They are so perfect for each other, how do we get them to realize it?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in order to make this work, i changed Oliver's relationship status from Oliver/Gerry to Oliver/Michael. rest assured, we will be getting more goth king moments than I had originally planned! gerard just got a little... promotion... if you will....  
> honestly i just gave oliver a husband on a whim, because he deserves to be happy y'know? so it's not hugely important to the plot (as of right now)  
> so abt that update schedule...  
> i'm going to start posting the BIG CHUNGUS chapters on thursdays, an attempt to fill the gap left by the break in episode releasings. please accept my humble offering as comfort during these TMA-less next six weeks. effective IMMEDIATELY i will post these little bits sometime after the first posting, most likely sundays but i don't want to tie myself down.  
> so to recap- updates thursdays and maybe sundays, oliver is married to bighands mcmike the distortion himself so gerry can run the show basically  
> is this at terrible idea?  
> sorry for all the notes guys i had a Big Think


	4. Week Two- Bread

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's bread time baby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmm okay so let's do a quick recap/disclaimer  
> i am going to TRY to post on thursdays, but life gets in the way you know? sorry for the late update, been a crazy week, hope you enjoy some baking fluff and shenanigans! no beta we kayak like tim  
> xxx

_Open on a shot of Mel and Sue on a gently sloping grassy hill. The sky is bright and clear and a small wind ruffles their hair and the grass at their feet._

**MEL**

Week two of the Great British Bake Off, and today our bakers will be twisting themselves into knots and kneading themselves thin to complete their challenges.

**SUE**

That’s right, this weekend we begin- (she pauses for dramatic effect) _bread week._

_Close up on a bowl of frosting being whipped at high speeds. Zoom out to reveal Helen, working quickly to build her swiss rolls._

**MEL V.O.**

Last week we saw Helen deliver on all challenges with spectacular effect.

_We watch as she carries her signature cake, a beautifully swirled concoction of green and yellow, up to the judges' table. They all look impressed._

**SUE V.O.**

Jon placed first in the technical, easily baking one of the best Charlotte Royale cakes I- _I mean the judges_ \- had ever tasted.

_Cut to Jon at his oven, his bake station clean and neat, his bake standing at the end of the table._

**JON**

Do you want to see a picture of my cat?

_The shot changes to that of Tim scraping ruined sponge into the trashcan, a disappointed expression on his face._

**MEL V.O.**

While Tim did not have the best day in the kitchen.

_Dissolve to what is clearly another day, another bake, but again Tim is throwing away his sponge. This time he is exasperated to the point of hilarity._

**TIM**

Guess I’ll just have to start over, again. (He chuckles slightly, retaining his good humor)

_Angle on a woman so perfect it seems plastic, her expression neutral, watching as Mary and Paul taste her cupcakes._

**PAUL**

Nikola, your sponge is dry. The decoration is simplistic, which you could cover with strong flavors, but they are really quite mellow. It’s not very fun to eat, the frosting gumming up your throat.

_Back to Nikola who does not look surprised._

**SUE V.O.**

Unfortunately, Nikola’s first day in the tent was also her last.

_Nikola takes off her apron and folds it neatly before walking out of the room without a backwards glance. Extreme close up on the apron, lying on the scrubbed wooden counter, flour flecking the fabric._

_Back to Mel and Sue on their hill._

**MEL**

How will they fare in today’s bread challenges?

_Wide angle of the tent, bakers in various stages of distress as the pound and roll and flatten out their dough._

**SUE V.O.**

A signature bake that will test their ability to work quickly under pressure.

 **** _Angle on Melanie, sitting on the counter, swinging her short legs as she alternates from staring at the timer to staring at her oven. She has, predictably, flour across her face and hands but looks as if she cannot be bothered for the world_

_Cut to Basira measuring spices out, muttering to herself._

**SUE V.O.**

A technical challenge by none other than the great Paul Hollywood himself.

_Paul takes a fork and breaks open an English muffin, examining the inside carefully._

**PAUL**

You’ve got nice, airy pockets here and there, but the muffin itself is extremely dense.

_We do not see who baked the offending muffin, but we do hear a soft noise of disappointment._

_Back to the Mel and Sue, Mel brushing her slight bangs out of her face._

**SUE**

And a technical challenge that is bittersweet-

**MEL**

No, no, no, you’ve got it all wrong. It’s sweet and savory, not bittersweet. The bakers will need to bake sixteen perfect rolls, half savory, half sweet, in order to complete the final challenge of the weekend. Mary and Paul have a surprise up their sleeves, but I’m not sure the bakers will like it very much.

_Abrupt transition to a shot of all four judges sitting around a small, daintily decorated table. Sue leans forward conspiratorially._

**SUE**

Will we be losing one baker or two today?

_Paul and Mary look at each other, not in surprise but calculated deliberation. Finally, Mary speaks._

**MARY**

You’ll have to wait and see.

_Transition back to Sue and Mel._

**SUE**

Welcome to-

_They both look at each other, silently mouthing the words three, two, one-_

**MEL**

(Beating her to the phrase) The Great British Bake Off!

_The theme music begins to play as the camera pans across a table laden with baking supplies. A hand places raspberries atop a chocolate cake, delicately pushing them into the frosting. Several finished tarts and cakes decorate the table. A child helps crack eggs into a bowl of creamy frosting, the recipe dusted with powder and wrinkled beneath measuring spoons. Frosting is spread across a yellow cake, peaking under the spatula. We can hear the whirring of an electric mixer. Slowly, everything comes together as the desserts are placed, one by one, in an aesthetically pleasing lineup._

_A small girl licks a spoon, her face dirty but happy. Close up on the hand again, placing the few remaining raspberries on the open bit of cake. The camera zooms out, letting the cake fill the frame, and the words ‘The Great British Bake Off’ flower across it._

_Angle on a duck swimming through a pond, quacking in an obnoxiously loud repetition. Are ducks always this annoying? Pan to the bank of the pond where water reeds rim the water, swaying slightly in the wind._

_Back to Mel and Sue, their matching blue blazers crisp in the spring light._

**SUE**

Last week was a wonderful opportunity to get to know the bakers, but this week they all must rise to the challenge, or fall faster than you can say expired yeast.

**MEL**

I’m not sure that’s how bread works…

**SUE**

It is now.

_Panoramic shot of the field, the wooden bridge on the very edge of it. The bakers trail across it, heading towards the large whit tent in the background._

**OLIVER**

Yeah, I’m a little bit nervous, (he jams his hands in his pockets) but no more so than last week. Actually, since I understand the stress levels we’re working under now, I’d say I’m better prepared for today than I was last week.

_Cut to the bakers filing into the tent, each heading towards their own bake station to put on their aprons, clean and fresh for a new day of baking. Close up on Tim who looks at his plain cloth apron, shakes his head, then pulls his own apron out of a bag on the floor._

**TIM**

That one is just so boring, you know?

 _Sasha, who is standing nearest him, laughs as he ties on a frilly pink apron reading_ Kiss the Cook _across the chest._

_Cut to Martin, looking indecisive about something, before turning to Jon and speaking quietly._

**MARTIN**

Can you help me with the tie on my apron?

**JON**

Oh- of course.

_We watch as Jon does so, his hands fumbling slightly on the knot, causing him to have to tie it twice._

_The camera switches to direction, now facing the front of the tent where Paul, Mary, Sue, and Mel all stand, beaming at them._

**SUE**

Good morning bakers, and welcome to your signature challenge. (Mel nods along beside her) Now, this morning Paul and Mary would love you to make thirty-six breadsticks with an old family recipe.

**MEL**

You will have two hours to complete this challenge. Ready-

**SUE**

Set-

**MEL**

Bake!

_And the baking has begun. Close up on several bakers taking out bowls and spoons, others lining up ingredients, some flattening out their recipe on the counter._

_Angle on Daisy, doing all three at once._

**DAISY**

It’s been a very, very long time since I’ve been home. I can’t really remember much of my childhood, we moved a lot and had some issues at home, (she grimaces) but I do remember my gran always making bread for Sunday dinners.

_The screen is filled with a drawing of a breadstick, seasoned quite beautifully._

**SUE V.O.**

Daisy’s breadsticks will be flavored with rosemary with raisins mixed into the dough itself.

_Eye-level shot of Daisy as she works, pouring raisins into a bowl._

**DAISY**

Got to plump up the raisins first.

_From a few tables away, Tim looks up from his bowl with a grin._

**TIM**

You plump my raisins.

**DAISY**

I am not even going to ask what that means. Instead, I am going to pretend you didn’t say that and you retain full functionality of all your limbs, is that clear?

_Tim nods, looking slightly cowed but not discouraged._

_Cut to Simon, his station looking a little different than the other bakers’. Instead of flour and butter and eggs, he has an assortment of greens and a small bag of nuts in prominence. He dumps basil, garlic, pine nuts, and parmesan into a food processor._

**SUE V.O.**

Simon’s swirled breadsticks will be filled with a small layer of his homemade pesto.

_Smooth transition to a drawing of a breadstick, the pale color of the bread contrasting with the rich, earthy green of the pesto._

**SIMON**

You’ve got to have the pesto homemade, or it won’t taste right. First time I made these after moving out on my own, they tasted awful. I called my mum up and the first thing she said was ‘What pesto did you use?’ (He laughs, taking the bowl out of the food processor) She almost had a heart attack when I told her I got it at Tesco's.

_The camera draws back slightly, allowing us to get a larger picture of the activity in the baking tent. Many of the bakers chat pleasantly as they work, measuring out ingredients. The low hum of electric mixers fills the air. The camera focuses on Jane, who is not engaging with the other bakers. Her brown hair swept into a bun, she focuses on the recipe in front of her with astonishing intensity. At her elbow sits a glass bowl of bits of cheese and rosemary._

**SUE V.O.**

Jane is making cheese and rosemary breadsticks, a staple on her family farm.

**JANE**

I’ve been making these since I was a little girl, but it’s a lot more difficult to perform under pressure.

_Cut to Melanie, rolling a ball of dough into shape. She wraps it in plastic, flattening it beneath a rolling pin. Paul and Mary walk up to her as she does so._

**PAUL**

Hello, Melanie.

**MELANIE**

(Terse) Hi.

**PAUL**

Can you tell us about your bake?

_She pauses for a moment, one hand resting on her hip._

**MELANIE**

Yeah, sure. I’m making puff pastry breadsticks. They are lighter and fluffier, something my dad loved when I was little. They are brushed with Thai sweet chili sauce and sprinkled with seeds, I use a mix of poppy, sunflower, and pumpkin seeds.

**MEL**

Well, that sounds absolutely _delightful._ (She smacks her lips) I can’t wait to try it!

**PAUL**

A word of advice-

_Melanie looks worried- is he going to tell her off?_

**PAUL**

Puff pastry can be very temperamental, especially when it comes to baking time and temperature. Watching carefully is never a bad thing.

_She nods fervently as they walk away, returning to flattening the dough._

_Slightly tilted angle on Martin, pouring flour into his mixing bowl. The beater sprays flour everywhere and in his new state of temporary blindness, he knocks the container of flour onto the floor. At the table next to him, Jon looks up in surprise. Martin flushes, bending down to begin cleaning up the mess._

**MARTIN**

Stupid thing… can’t get anything right today, huh, Martin? Get it together man, just because someone is very close by doesn’t mean you are allowed to go to pieces…

_He mutters as he begins the bothersome task of cleaning up his mess. Close up on his face, he looks almost close to tears with frustration and nerves. Spotting this, Mel, Sue, and Basira rush over to help._

**BASIRA**

Here, let me-

_She crouches down next to him, wet rag in hand. He looks up at her, grateful._

**MEL**

I’ll just _sweep_ on in here, don’t mind me!

_She brushes past him, broom in hand, as the four of them chuckle. Sue wipes off the cabinets briskly, cleaning away any of the mess._

**MARTIN**

Thanks, guys, you don’t have to do this, Basira, I know you’re busy right now…

**BASIRA**

Nonsense. (She waves away his protests) Got to help a friend in need, eh? Anyways, my breadsticks are rising right now, I needed something to do anyway.

_It’s a lie and they both know it, but it’s a lie they can both stand to swallow. Finally satisfied all the flour had been cleaned away, they all straighten. Sue wraps him into a hug, small as she is, squeezing tight._

**SUE**

Everybody has accidents every now and then, it’s no big deal. What would be a big deal is if your bake doesn’t have any flour, unfortunately you spilled the entire container. (She grins apologetically)

**MARTIN**

I think there is some in the back, I’ll go grab that.

_Basira returns to her station, unhurried, as Martin heads toward the ingredients at the back of the tent. Angle on his hands as he runs them over several large containers of bulk ingredients, finally coming to rest on a large twenty-pound bag of flour. Without hesitation he lifts it, swinging it over his shoulder._

_Cut to Jon, watching Martin easily carry the flour back to his station. His dark cheeks color, his mouth slightly open. When Martin lets the flour bag fall to the floor with a thud Jon comes back to earth, shaking his head slightly and struggling to tear his eyes away from the man._

_Back to Martin, re-measuring flour. He grimaces as more spills to the floor._

**MARTIN**

Well, already spilled enough today, what’s a little more?

_A sketch of a simple breadstick takes the screen._

**MEL V.O.**

Martin is making rustic Italian breadsticks, a family recipe passed down over the years.

_Still shot of the tent. It is alive with action, bakers mixing and kneading dough. Zoom in to Tim, a small package of sliced meat (accidentally) dusted with flour and salt. He kneads the dough into a ball, gently picking it up and placing it in a greased bowl. He slides it into the proving drawer. He looks directly into the camera when he speaks._

**TIM**

Now that’s done, I just have to wait for a half-hour before I can begin the baking part. Should give me _just_ enough time to bake, but that’s how I roll. (He winks) Flying by the seat of my pants, scraping on by the skin of my teeth, whatever you want to call it.

_He turns back to his station, considering the mess before plopping down onto the floor next to the oven._

**TIM**

(Grinning) Can’t see the mess and it can’t hurt me.

_Zoom on his station, which is, in fact, a disaster._

**SUE V.O.**

Tim’s breadsticks will be wrapped in prosciutto before being baked to a perfect crispness.

_The camera pans away from Tim to a distracted Martin. Across from him, Jon has rolled the sleeves on his crisp button-down up to his elbows and begun to knead his dough with vigor._

_Martin watches this display through wide eyes, almost transfixed by the smooth, rolling motion of Jon’s hands._

_Jon pauses in his kneading, still unaware of his one-man audience to add a handful of olives to the dough. He resumes pushing and pulling, stopping every few minutes to add more olives._

_The shot widens to reveal Mel and Sue watching this spectacle of gay panic on Martin’s part and gay obliviousness on Jon’s with a twinkle in their eyes. Sue turns to Mel, smiling like she had just discovered a gold mine. Which, in fact, she had._

**SUE**

Martin over there is sure interested in something, isn’t he?

**MEL**

Oh, yes, that dough must be _fascinating._

**SUE**

Of course, it’s the dough. (She taps her nose knowingly)

**MEL**

Mhm, definitely not the scandalous display of Jon’s forearms.

**SUE**

Why that is absolutely preposterous!

_They both laugh._

_Smash cut to Basira, opening her proving drawer. She shuts it again, gentle as to not knock the rising bread. From his own watch station on the floor, Simon calls over to her._

**SIMON**

Any progress?

**BASIRA**

A few more minutes, I think, then I can start rolling out the sticks themselves. What about you?

**SIMON**

(Grimacing) Same here, but probably more than a few minutes.

**BASIRA**

Best of luck.

**SIMON**

Thank you, to you as well. By the way, what are you making?

**BASIRA**

Sweet kaak breadsticks, something my bibi- my gran used to make when I was little. What about you?

**SIMON**

Pesto swirls.

**BASIRA**

(Nodding) Sounds festive.

_He chuckles, letting the conversation drop. As pleasant as Basira is, she can be intimidating, terse at times to speak with. She lets her head hang against the oven, silently counting down the minutes._

_Dissolve to Daisy, Mel and Sue standing around her as she kneads her dough._

**MEL**

(Obviously eyeing her arms) How is your bake coming along?

**DAISY**

(Slightly grunted) Pretty well. This is the second kneading, the dough is getting tough. (At Sue’s surprised expression) That’s a good thing.

**SUE**

Got it. Tough dough, good thing. I bet you don’t have an issue with the kneading.

**DAISY**

(Still working) What do you mean?

**MEL**

(Incredulous) Well, with muscles like those, strength is right up your alley, isn’t it?

**SUE**

You’ve got serious guns, those shouldn’t be allowed in a kitchen. You do know the only weapons allowed in here are knives, right? (She pokes Daisy’s biceps)

**DAISY**

I’m flattered. (Her words are gruff but pleased) I’m afraid Helen has all the knives, I have no idea how, though.

_The two women turn around to discover that yes, in fact, Helen seems to have amassed all the sharp objects the tent holds. Helen herself is, like many other bakers, waiting for her dough to prove._

_Dissolve to Agnes, perched on a stool. She rests her chin on her hand, looking bored._

**MEL V.O.**

Agnes is waiting for her rye dough to prove, once that finishes she will bake her breadsticks in tasty seasoned twists.

 _Gertrude turns to face Agnes, a question written in the lines of her face- a silent_ how are you? _She responds without a second thought, this exchange done with an almost telepathic bond._

**AGNES**

Dough in the drawer, head empty currently.

_Gertrude nods in understanding. Paul and Mary walk up the row towards her, all bakers now waiting for their dough to rise._

**MARY**

Gertrude, how are you doing this morning?

**GERTRUDE**

Well, things seem to be rising here.

**PAUL**

(Not getting the pun) Oh really? Like what?

_Behind his back, Sue rolls her eyes._

**GERTRUDE**

Stress levels, tensions, you know, _bread_.

**PAUL**

I see. What do you have in the proving drawer right now?

**GERTRUDE**

I’m waiting for the dough, once it’s done rising, which should be soon, I’ll be able to roll out my salted caraway and rye breadsticks.

**MARY**

Mmm, caraway, I love that flavoring.

**GERTRUDE**

Thank you!

_The judges wander off._

_One of the first people to declare their dough risen is Sasha. She pulls out her magnificently mounded dough, dumping it onto a floured countertop. As she is slicing the bread dough into even portions, she explains her process to a half-listening Tim._

**SASHA**

….then once I’ve got them split, I roll them like so-

_She twists a portion into a long rope._

**SASHA**

Tie them in a knot-

_She tucks the ends of the rope in under itself, forming a beautiful rosette._

**SASHA**

Sprinkle with seasoning and repeat!

_After dusting the rosette with sesame seeds, parmesan cheese, and a pinch of seasonings, she brushes it with melted butter and places it on a baking tray._

_Angle on Tim next to her, nodding absently._

**TIM**

Yeah, that’s brilliant, Sash, keep up the good work.

_Tim is focused on his own task, seemingly dedicating all of his concentration for the first time on a singular activity. Tongue between his teeth, he wraps a floppy dough-stick with delicate prosciutto, twisting it slightly. The completed product goes onto the baking tray along with a dozen already finished._

_Angle on Melanie, brushing chili paste over the tops of her puff pastry sticks. Once she coats all of them, she slides it into the oven._

**MELANIE**

Now to bake.

_The camera focuses on her timer, blinking slowly but steadily away._

_Dissolve to a shot of Oliver. He is braiding small pieces of dough into a larger rope, his fingers moving quickly and with ease. The finished braids aren’t messy, exactly, but a bit rough around the edges._

**OLIVER**

I’m a little worried these won’t turn out right, this is a new herb combination I’m working with. (He winces slightly) My dad always made these, I never really helped out much. Thus, leaving me at the end of my rope today! (He smiles, but it is not quite genuine)

_Angle on Mel and Sue, standing at the front of the tent with Paul and Mary._

**SUE**

Paul and Mary would like me to remind you all that there is a half hour remaining in our signature bake this morning, a half hour!

_All movement in the tent speeds up, the reality of the never-ending march of time crashing down on them. Helen slides her tray of breadsticks into the oven, accidentally knocking a wicked looking knife to the ground. How did it get there? Who needs a butcher’s knife in a baking competition?_

_Apparently, Helen does for whatever reason._

**HELEN**

(To an interested Jane) The grissini is really quite crunchy, not a soft bread like others. The perfect cooking time is necessary, but for some reason that little detail escaped the recipe.

**JANE**

(Obviously frustrated with her own bread) Well, at least you have something in the oven.

_She gestures to her workspace, still twisting breadsticks with one hand. The first few look quite nice and presentable, the more recent ones growing rougher and rougher around the edges._

**MEL**

Ten minutes left!

_The camera pans to Jon, checking his oven. Inside, the breadsticks are baking quite nicely, olives floating in the bread._

_Timers begin to go off at regular intervals around the tent, signaling the completion of breadsticks for almost all the bakers._

_All of them except for Jane. The camera zooms into her face, screwed up in frustration as she returns her pan of breadsticks to the oven yet again._

**JANE**

I don’t have time for this… not now…

**SUE**

ONE MINUTE TO ARRANGE YOUR BREADSTICKS!

_The camera focuses on each baker briefly as they rush to complete their work. Martin arranging breadsticks in a wicker basket, some of them poking out at odd angles. Oliver layers braided bread on a plate, displaying all the best ones. Helen stands her grissini sticks up in a vase of sorts, decorated with bright yellow floral designs._

**MEL**

Aaaaand time is up, please step away from your bakes!

_All comply, Basira brushing sweat off her forehead. Gertrude regards her bread with an air of satisfaction, contrasting sharply with Jane’s disgruntled face._

**SUE**

Let the judging commence.

_Tim is the first to go._

**TIM**

As a child, we often combined foreign aspects into our cooking, and a family favorite has been prosciutto wrapped breadsticks.

_Paul and Mary taste said breadsticks. Mary looks surprised at the flavor._

**MARY**

I must say, I am pleasantly surprised. I was unsure of how the flavors would work together, but they actually do quite well.

**PAUL**

I like the use of unconventional ingredients, but the bread was plain otherwise and slightly dry.

_Tim nods, still smiling._

_Sasha walks up to the front of the room next, carefully balancing an elegant platter of her bread rosettes._

**PAUL**

Oh, wow, these are beautiful.

**SASHA**

Thank you, they are parmesan rosettes from my great-aunt. I added the twist, both figuratively and literally.

_They taste one, chewing thoughtfully._

**MARY**

Your presentation was beautiful, the flavors quite nice and aromatic.

**PAUL**

All of them look identical, well done.

_Jon presents them with rustic looking breadsticks, quite fat and dotted with olives._

**** _Paul and Mary split one, tasting it tentatively. They needn’t have feared._

**MARY**

You incorporated the olives just right, there aren’t any side effects of using such a moist ingredient.

**PAUL**

They aren’t very pretty, are they? The color is nice, but the olives give it a lumpy texture inside and out.

_Jon accepts the criticism with grace, passing Martin on his way back to his seat._

**MARTIN**

I made Italian breadsticks, a modern take on the classic bread. It is- (he breaks off, slightly choked) it _was_ my mum’s favorite recipe.

_For a moment, there is slight blip in the footage, a frame seems to be missing, or possibly an editorial editor. With Gerry as the producer, it is most likely a missing frame._

**PAUL**

They taste lovely, the flavors are immaculate.

**MARY**

The presentation needed a little work, but overall wonderful bake.

_He beams at them, making eye contact with Jon as he returns. Daisy gives the judges a simple basket of aromatic breadsticks._

**DAISY**

Rosemary raisin breadsticks.

_She does not elaborate and the judges don’t press her, tasting the bread instead._

**MARY**

The texture is nice and fluffy, just what you want in bread. The raisins could have used more time for plumping, they are rather hard.

_Paul nods in agreement. Basira is next, presenting a tray of twisted breadsticks._

**BASIRA**

I made sweet kaak bread, a traditional delicacy from Syria. My family has been using it for years.

_She watches, apprehensive, as they taste her bake._

**PAUL**

This tastes a little bit more like a scone than a bread, but I did enjoy the flavors nonetheless. The orange was strong, but not too strong, just the right balance of sweet and tangy.

_Basira thanks them in a low mutter, carrying her kaak back to her station._

_Melanie trips, almost spilling her breadsticks, as she hurries forward._

**SUE**

Well, somebody’s eager to present.

**MELANIE**

I made sweet chili puff pastry sticks, topped with a combination of seeds.

**MARY**

The pastry is good, nice and fluffy, a little bit denser where the sauce was too thick, but overall pleasant breadsticks.

**PAUL**

They are more or less uniform, to a degree they are similar.

**MELANIE**

Thank you.

_Confident, Gertrude places her breadsticks down in front of the judges._

**PAUL**

And what do we have here?

**GERTRUDE**

Salted caraway and rye breadsticks.

_They taste the bread._

**MARY**

Mm, lovely, you have balanced the caraway just right. The flavor is coming through, but still an undercurrent to the earthy rye.

**PAUL**

They are slightly overbaked.

_Jane shuffles forward._

**JANE**

My cheese and rosemary breadsticks.

**PAUL**

(Chewing) Very, very chewy. The middle is almost raw here. (He pokes at the center) See how the bread doesn’t spring back into shape?

**MARY**

They needed more time in the oven.

 _Jane does not look surprised. She mutters a_ good luck _to Oliver as he steps forward next._

**OLIVER**

I made braided breadsticks with a family herb blend.

 **MARY  
** Delightful crunch, perfect texture.

**PAUL**

The flavors don’t quite work together, mashing awkwardly.

_Simon’s pesto twists are up next. The judges taste them, taking a few extra moments to chew and swallow._

**PAUL**

I like the taste of the pesto, it is excellent fresh.

**MARY**

Unfortunately, the bread didn’t rise enough before and it is very dense and chewy now.

_He accept this criticism, looking relieved to have finished the first challenge._

_Agnes takes the place of intense scrutiny._

**AGNES**

Twisted rye breadsticks, a recipe of my gran’s.

_Mary seems to enjoy these quite a lot._

**MARY**

I don’t know how, but you have managed to capture the essence of warmth in food.

**PAUL**

The flavors are outstanding, although not all of them look quite right.

_He is correct, of course, but that doesn’t make it feel any better. In fact, it makes it worse._

_Last to go is Helen. She walks, no, she glides forward, her breadsticks precariously balanced on end, standing up in an elegant vase._

**HELEN**

(Sing-song) My traditional grissini.

_When the judges bite in, the grissini cracks loudly._

**MARY**

Normally I like soft breads, easier on the teeth, but I think I could make an exception for these.

**PAUL**

They are just slightly overbaked.

_The camera zooms out, Paul and Mary in the foreground, revealing the group of exhausted bakers. The shot seems restful, somehow, almost calming. Cut to Melanie, sitting in the grassy field. She grins at the camera, relief written across her normally sharp features._

**MELANIE**

That’s a relief, they actually liked my bake this week, to a degree. I am going to take that as a win. (She shrugs) Only way out of a pit is up.

_Smooth transition to Jane sitting in the same spot. She is impassive, almost as if her mind is somewhere far away from her body. She stares at the flowers near her feet for a moment, transfixed by the bugs crawling there. Before the camera cuts away, she speaks in a hypnotic voice._

**JANE**

I tried my best, I did. Do you forgive me, pretties?

_It is unclear who she is speaking to, but it seems suspiciously like the ants stop their scurrying to listen._

_Back to the tent, everything cleared away. Martin’s soft jumper is still speckled with flour from the earlier mishap, but it almost looks decorative against the soft blue ribbing._

_Mel and Sue take the center stage, Paul and Mary waiting patiently behind them._

**MEL**

For today’s technical challenge, Paul here has _graciously_ offered up his recipe for the classic English muffin.

_Angle on Paul as he grins, but it is not the sort of grin meant to reassure. It is a smile that promises a surprise to come, a secret better left unsaid._

**SUE**

Unfortunately we will not be using actual English people as ingredients today, instead you will find all necessary materials already at your stations. You will have two and a half hours to complete your eight muffins.

**MEL**

Paul and Mary, if you will exit the tent please so you are unaware of which baker poisons you- I mean which baker bakes what.

_Rolling their eyes, Mary and Paul leave the tent._

**SUE**

Alright, on your marks-

**MEL**

Get set-

**SUE**

Bake!

_Without wasting any time, the bakers launch into action. Focus on Simon as he reads through the recipe, frowning. He looks up, speaking to Gertrude who is doing the same thing._

**SIMON**

Have you ever made these before?

**GERTRUDE**

As a matter of fact, yes, I have. Have you?

 _When Simon replies, it is the voice of a man beyond normal stress and anxiety. He has surpassed the limitations of human emotions and entered a plane of fear so high the only way to react is with a smile and a laugh that says_ I’m screwed.

**SIMON**

Nope!

_Gertrude nods, not paying much attention to him. The camera switches to a view of Melanie, dumping flour, yeast, and salt into a large mixing bowl. She turns back to her recipe, mouthing the words silently as she reads them. Close up on her hands as she cracks eggs into the bowl quickly, carefully avoiding crushing the shells. As she mixes in milk and sugar, dissolve to Tim doing almost the same thing but with much more flair._

_He swings his hips exaggeratedly, humming obnoxiously loud as he adds butter, mixing the concoction in his bowl into a soft dough. He looks up as Mel walks past him and winks at her, switching to singing for a moment._

**TIM**

_And when you smile/the whole world stops and stares for a while/cause you’re amazing/just the way you are_

_Mel laughs._

_Cut to Daisy turning her dough out onto a floured surface. She attacks it with almost frightening intensity, twisting and pulling it together. Her face is twisted in such concentration if one couldn’t see the task she was focused on it might seem she was gutting an animal instead of making delicate bread._

_Quick transition to Mary and Paul sitting in an open gazebo, a plate of English muffins sitting in front of them. Mary takes one and breaks it open with a fork. Close up on the airy, fluffy inside. She spreads it with butter and jam, talking to Paul as she does so._

**MARY**

So the bakers have been tasked with making eight of these delicious muffins. What are we going to be expecting from them?

**PAUL**

Well, obviously, eight identical muffins. Round and flat on top, slightly thinner than the traditional scone. And when you break into it-

_He mirrors her movement, opening a muffin of his own._

**MARY**

Light and fluffy on the inside.

**PAUL**

Right. You’ve got these lovely pockets of air, perfect for catching melting butter. The trick here is to let it rise for just the right amount of time, then cooking them on the griddle until they are golden-brown.

**MARY**

(Taking a bite) Then you have the perfect English muffin.

**PAUL**

Nothing better.

_Back to the baking tent where Mel and Sue are holding court at Daisy’s station, yet again transfixed as she beat the dough into submission with powerful arms. She doesn’t say anything, her face slightly flushed but from the heat of the kitchen or the attention, it’s impossible to tell. Her freckles stand out on her high cheekbones._

_A series of shots flash, showing several bakers engaged in kneading their dough as well, several more in the background doing so. Pan to show the tent full of rolling wrists and jabbing elbows, palms flattened into dough that is quickly reshaped._

_Jon is one of the first to start kneading and subsequently one of the first to finish._

**JON**

Into the bowl you go, but for how long…

_He looks puzzled as he covers the bowl with a towel._

**JON**

The recipe didn’t say for how long to let it rise, and I’m willing to bet my eyes that it’s one of the most crucial parts of making English muffins.

_He cranes his neck around, searching to see who else is confused. He isn’t the only one. Martin mutters to himself, puzzling through the problem._

**MARTIN**

Well if normal bread takes about an hour to rise, I’ll start there then maybe see how it goes?

_He places the dough on his counter, setting his timer. Martin straightens up his station briskly, careful not to knock into anything. He is surprisingly gentle for how large he is._

_Close up on Agnes waiting, cross legged on the floor, with her eyes closed. Gertrude mirrors her._

**BASIRA**

Are you two okay?

_Agnes nods._

**GERTRUDE**

Yes, dear, thank you. Just resting.

**BASIRA**

Don’t you need to keep an eye on the clock or something?

**GERTRUDE**

I can see just fine. One does need to have your eyes open to do so.

_Basira looks puzzled but decides not to question it. Near her, Daisy is still kneading her dough. She is the only left doing so._

_Time passes in a flash of slowly darkening sky. Outside the weather is inviting. Sasha looks outside wistfully, a drop of sweat beading on her brow._

_A squirrel dashes into view from the forest, quick on it’s feet. It seems faster than normal, appearing when you least expected it. It lazily walks in front of the opening to the tent, taunting it’s freedom. It’s little beady eyes seem to say_ I’m here and you can’t leave. I am free and you are not. _Melanie sees it staring at them with an almost human expression and gives it the finger._

_Focus on Melanie pulling her dough out of the bowl. She is the first to do so, a groundbreaker._

**MELANIE**

I’ve got to cut them now then let them rise again.

_She presses a cutter into the dough, twisting out a muffin. She dusts it with semolina meal and places it on a waiting tray. Melanie repeats the action, bringing the cutter down hard into the dough. Smash cut to Helen doing the same thing, the dough yielding easily to her cutter. She grins as the muffins practically shape themselves at her fingers._

_Close up on Sasha with semolina dusted across her face. She chats happily with Tim while they work._

**SASHA**

This one isn’t too hard, is it?

**TIM**

No, not really, just a lot of waiting.

**SASHA**

Makes you wonder what we’re missing…

**TIM**

Definitely. (He laughs, looking up from his dough) I know what you’re missing.

**SASHA**

(Skeptical) Oh really? And what’s that?

**TIM**

At least half of your semolina ended up on your face instead of your pan.

**SASHA**

(Smiling and trying to wipe it off) Well, that might be problematic.

**TIM**

Just slightly. Here, let me-

_Tim walks over to her and gently brushes a thumb along her cheekbones, clearing away the powder. His gaze is intense, focused. Sasha does not recoil at his closeness, staring into his eyes directly. He reddens around the ears, brushing his hands on his apron._

**TIM**

Reckon I got it.

**SASHA**

(Teasing) You reckon so?

**TIM**

You could say thank you, you know.

**SASHA**

Thanks, Tim.

_Transition to Martin who is struggling with his dough. The cutter is sticking to the dough, pulling it into strange shapes as he removes each muffin. He groans, reshaping them with his hands._

_The camera focuses on Jane, a small amount of dirt on her clothes somehow. She cuts out the last muffin and covers the tray._

_Basira peers at her own doughy muffins, scrutinizing them._

**BASIRA**

Something is off here, I can feel it. But what is it?

_She can’t seem to find the issue, still determined it exists._

**SUE**

A half hour left in the challenge! Let’s get those muffins popping.

_Opposite of that morning, the tent is almost still at the moment. The bakers are each waiting for their sliced muffins to rise._

_Gertrude turns on her stove, heating up a skillet. As if she gave a signal, the people surrounding her switch their own stoves on. Agnes is the first to transfer her muffin to the pan. Angle on her hands, dusted with powder, as they drop the first doughy muffin into the pan with a sizzle._

_The sounds of baking fill the air, sizzling pans and the soft thuds of flipped muffins._

_Soon Simon is the only one who has not yet begun to cook his muffins. He checks them again, they have risen to vast proportions. He sighs and turns on his stove as well, knowing he would be content to let them rise until they dwarfed all the others by comparison._

_Cut to Tim, jerking his hand away from the pan._

**TIM**

Note to self- stoves are very hot.

_He hurriedly flips the muffin, adding another to the pan._

**MEL**

Ten minutes, ten minutes until your English muffins must be completed!

_Oliver groans, struggling to finish cooking all of his muffins. One after the other joins the paper towel, but the question lingers on his lips: will he have enough time to do so?_

_Jane arranges her muffins on a plate, a small worm crawling on the counter near her elbow. Next to her, Martin shoots it an unreadable look. Surely, that can’t be sanitary or safe._

_A woman’s voice exclaims in frustration and the camera pans to Basira, a muffin in each hand._

**BASIRA**

Forgot the semolina, they stuck to the pan and tore a little bit… this is a disaster.

_Ever responsive to distress, Mel appears at her side._

**MEL**

Anything I can do to help?

**BASIRA**

Can you help me get these all on a plate?

**MEL**

Of course.

_She hurries to help, barely managing to get them all loaded onto the plate before Sue calls out, signaling the end of the challenge._

**SUE**

Please step away from your bakes! Bring your plate up to the front table and place it behind the photo of yourself, Paul and Mary will be back for judging shortly.

_Martin and Jon walk up to the table together, talking softly. Their conversation goes unheard but not unnoticed. Tim looks to Basira and winks, nodding his head towards the two._

_Wide-angle view of the tent as a whole as the judges enter and examine the lineup. They start at the left side of the table and work their way over._

**PAUL**

This one is good looking on the outside, but on the inside- (he breaks it open) it’s slightly raw. The stove was too hot, overcooking the outside slightly without giving the inside time to do so as well.

_Cut to Agnes who does not look surprised at this judgement._

**MARY**

These muffins are huge, the air bubbles inside turned into huge air pockets. Much to light, there is almost no substance.

 **** _The camera turns to a crestfallen Simon, trying to hide his disappointment._

**PAUL**

And on the flip side, we have these. They are almost perfectly cooked but rather dense, they didn’t rise enough the second time.

_Melanie frowns slightly._

**MARY**

Now I’m not really sure what happened here. (She holds up a muffin) They are wonderful tasting, crisp to perfection on the outside, but the color is all wrong, almost like they have been dyed somehow.

_Focus on Helen’s sharp smile._

**PAUL**

This baker forgot to dust the muffins and the pan with semolina flour. They stuck slightly to the bottom of the pan and the surface is smooth, too smooth for an English muffin. The flavors are great, though.

_Basira’s shoulders slump slightly. All reactions are miniscule, lest the judges see._

**MARY**

(Chewing) This one is very tough. The baker over kneaded the dough, leading to an extremely chewy muffin.

_Angle on Daisy, staring at her hands twisted in her lap._

**PAUL**

Now this is an English muffin. Perfectly cooked, airy on the inside, the buttery flavor comes through just the right amount, all very well done.

_Pan to Jon, working hard to conceal his satisfied smile._

**MARY**

Ooh, I quite like these ones. Well done, the muffin splitting perfectly. A tad over-cooked but very good.

 _Gertrude makes eye contact with Jon, grinning a_ congratulations _at him._

**PAUL**

This is almost perfect except for the shape. It’s inconsistent between each muffin.

 **** _Cut to Martin, unsure of how to feel._

**MARY**

Each side of the muffins have been cooked at different times.

_Focus on Tim, his lips pressed into a line._

**PAUL**

I have no idea what has happened here. There appears to be some black flecks in the dough itself, almost earthy? I’m afraid to bite in, afraid of what might be inside.

_Switch to an uninterested Jane, watching unconcernedly._

**MARY**

These muffins are very good, even bake with nice fluffy texture. The flavor is a little more modern, sharper, almost, I would guess the baker didn’t use very much semolina.

 _Around Martin’s broad back, Tim shoots Sasha an_ I-told-you-so _look. She stares back, daring him to do something._

**PAUL**

Last but not least, we have this one. It’s burnt and a little oily, almost fried.

_The muffins are Oliver’s._

_The judging complete, they prowl up and down the table, pointing out individual muffins and muttering to each other. After a minute of quiet pacing, the tension is almost edible. Finally they straighten up._

**MARY**

In thirteenth place we have these-

_Jane raises her hand._

**PAUL**

In twelfth place we have-

_Simon claims the muffins as his own._

**MARY**

Eleventh goes to these here.

_Resigned, Oliver raises his hand._

**MEL V.O.**

Melanie, Basira, Daisy, Agnes, Tim, Helen, and Martin come in from tenth to fourth.

_A shot of each baker raising their hand flashes as their name is called._

**PAUL**

In third place, we have these muffins.

_Beaming, Sasha claims them._

**MARY**

Second place is awarded to-

_Gertrude raises a frail hand._

**PAUL**

Which means that for the second week in a row, Jon, you are first in the technical challenge.

_The tent claps appreciatively, Jon trying not to look too self-satisfied. He fails miserably, but when Martin reaches around Melanie to shake his hand, his face inexplicably softens._

**MARTIN**

Congratulations! Two weeks in a row, you sure are full of surprises!

**JON**

Er- thank you.

_He is blushing slightly, their hands still connected by the faintest touch of skin._

_Aerial shot of a grassy stretch, a pond in the far left corner. It is clearly the next day, time for the final challenge- the showstopper. Cut to the inside of the tent, the baker’s putting on their aprons. Tim still has not retired his extravagantly pink one, parading it proudly to gratuitous laughs from Sasha and Melanie._

_Mel and Sue look eager to begin the bake, although it is possible their intentions are less…pure as the joy of watching several sweaty and stressed people swear at inanimate objects. Is it possible they have a heist planned? Their body language are mirror images of each other’s, hands folded in front of their chests._

**SUE**

Welcome back, I’m glad to see the monsters didn’t devour your souls and steal your identities while you slept!

**MEL**

That is strangely specific and ominous, has that ever happened to you?

**SUE**

Not to me, no, but to somebody I know- somebody I used to know…

_She trails off, looking into the distance._

**MEL**

I am very uncomfortable with the energy we have created today. (Clapping her hands together) Let’s get straight into it! For your showstopper, Paul and Mary would like you to present thirty-six sweet rolls, all beautiful arranged.

**SUE**

You will have three hours to complete your showstopper and decorate your presentation. Ready-

**MEL**

Set-

**SUE and MEL**

BAKE!

_The first to spring into action is Oliver. He pulls out several sticks of butter, setting them on the counter before springing back into action gathering ingredients. Soon a huge chunk of baker’s chocolate joins the butter and flour._

**SUE V.O.**

Oliver’s Pain au Chocolat is a version of the traditional recipe he created himself.

 **** _A drawing of a small bun with a chocolate center takes the screen, the bread around the edges flaky and light._

**SUE V.O.**

The filling will be a mix of light and dark chocolate, drizzled with creamy white chocolate.

_Angle on Oliver as he begins to chop the chocolate into smaller pieces. As he brings the knife down hard on a stubborn hunk, smash cut to Helen slicing lemons with less ferocity but no less precision. She turns and smiles at the camera, still working with the knife. Her smile is sharp, wicked and inviting._

**HELEN**

I’ve always loved the smell of lemons, especially fresh cut ones. Don’t you?

_Sue casts the knife an apprehensive glance before carefully leaning in and sniffing._

**SUE**

You’re right, it is quite lovely.

_Helen laughs, a peculiar thing to hear. It rings out much longer than it should._

**HELEN**

Darling, I am _always_ right!

**SUE**

Oh of course, silly me! I have no idea how I managed to forget that.

_Now we are looking at a rough sketch of Helen’s rolls._

**MEL V.O.**

Helen’s sticky lemon buns will be swirled with honey, inside and out. Candied lemon peel will decorate the tops of the buns.

_A few benches away, Melanie is slicing dried fruit with a borrowed knife. Close up on her face as she works, slightly puzzled but dedicated._

**MELANIE**

I have no idea how she ends up with all the knives in this blasted tent. I mean, there are thirteen stations with full sets of cutlery, yet Helen still manages to be sole source of sharp cutting tools. (She pauses in her chopping, looking into the camera) Is it safe to let her do that? It can’t be. But I suppose the alternative is allowing everyone in this tent free access to knives.

_Next to her, Basira chimes in._

**BASIRA**

You know, if it were up to me, _none of you_ would be allowed to have knives.

**MELANIE**

(Pouting) Not me?

**BASIRA**

Nope, not you or Helen or Jon or anybody here. You all would be extreme liabilities if given large knives.

_She speaks loudly and the entire tent laughs at this, several voicing their opinions._

**MARTIN**

Jon managed to cut himself with a _bread knife_ I’m not sure anything sharper than that would be safe.

**JON**

(Coloring) It was that one time!

**TIM**

Sure it was…

**JON**

It really was! One slip of the hand and I get my knife privileges revoked?

**HELEN**

(From across the room) Thankfully, it isn’t up to you, I hold all the knives in this relationship. If you would like to stab someone- I mean _chop something_ , come to me and I will ask you no questions.

_They all laugh again, the atmosphere light and happy even as they rush to create a masterpiece of bread and sugar._

_Angle on Sasha, melting chocolate over the stove. She multitasks, alternating between mixing her dry ingredients and stirring the chocolate._

**SUE V.O.**

Sasha’s chocolate rolls will be topped with tasty dried orange slivers.

_She dumps a measuring cup of something into the bowl of white powder, whisking it vigorously. Kneading in the wet ingredients, Sasha calls out to Simon_

**SASHA**

Working with chocolate and orange as well?

**SIMON**

Yes, I’m making chocolate and orange panettone. Are you?

**SASHA**

No panettone here, that would be a crazy coincidence! But I _am_ using chocolate and orange to flavor the rolls.

**SIMON**

Always a wise choice, in my opinion.

**SASHA**

Definitely. Well, best of luck with your panettone!

**SIMON**

Thank you, and the same to you.

_They do not look upset they share the same flavors, on the contrary the friendly conversation serves no purpose but to bolster the other._

_The camera pans to Jane, chopping earthy walnuts and scraping them into waiting bread dough. She mutters to herself, snippets of what seems to be gardening advice. She looks up when Paul and Mary walk over to her._

**MARY**

Can you tell us about your rolls?

**JANE**

I’m making simple walnut and seed rolls, sweetened with a bit of maple syrup.

**PAUL**

Ooh, good luck, there is something tricky about that, but I’m afraid I can’t tell you what it is. I’m looking forward to seeing how they turn out.

**JANE**

And I as well.

_They wander off, Jane not looking shaken in the slightest by this cryptic message. She returns to stirring walnuts into the dough._

_Cut to Tim, kneading his dough with confident motions, snorting derisively as Sue and Mel sneak handfuls of dried cranberries out of the bag on his counter._

**SUE**

(Mouth full) So, how is the baking going?

**TIM**

Oh, you know. (Slightly breathless) Stressful.

_Mel nods, popping a few more berries into her mouth._

**MEL**

Of course, of course. That makes sense. What’s your game plan here?

**TIM**

Call me crazy, but I _think_ I am going to follow the recipe, bravely sacrificing my body and soul to get these bagels done well.

**SUE**

Bold move. So the cranberries are going in the bagels?

**TIM**

Yes, at least that is the idea. Most of them seem to be ending up in your mouths.

**MEL**

(Chewing) That’s crazy! What are you going to do about it?

**TIM**

Currently? Nothing. But eventually? Also nothing.

**SUE**

That’s a relief.

_The two women walk off, hands clenched around fistfuls of berries. They wander past Agnes who is placing her dough into a greased bowl. The camera stops panning and focuses on her, cinnamon sticks sitting next to a grater on her counter. She picks them up once the dough is set safely to rise and begins to grate the cinnamon into a small bowl._

**MEL V.O.**

Agnes is making cinnamon rolls, a delicious cake-bread with a spicy sweet kick.

_The camera switches to a profile of Jon, his dough rising at the edge of his counter. He slices hunks off a block of Stilton cheese, dark veins running through it. He scrapes them into a bowl, where they join a motley mix of walnut and apple bits._

**DAISY**

Making a cheese salad there, Sims? You know, that’s not quite what I think the judges have in mind, but you do you I guess.

**JON**

(Teeth gritted) I appreciate your input.

**DAISY**

Any time, Sims. There is more where that came from.

**JON**

Please, call me Jon.

**DAISY**

No.

**JON**

(Cowed) I’m not making salad, I’m making stilton, walnut and apple rolls.

**DAISY**

Hm, surprising.

**JON**

What?

**DAISY**

I find myself caring less and less with every word you say.

_Their conversation is stilted, awkward. It is clear there is unresolved tension between the two of them, something deep within their complicated past that makes interaction difficult._

_Transition to Martin, trying not to listen to this exchange. He focuses intently on kneading his dough, twisting and pulling the floured strands into a ball. With one swift motion, he scoops it into the waiting container for rising._

**MARTIN**

Just got to let it rise, should take about an hour, then I can add the berries.

**SUE V.O.**

Martin is making berry almond buns, glazed lightly with an egg wash.

_The camera pans to Gertrude, beating icing in a bowl. Lemon drips spray against the side as she does so, a few landing on the towel covering her rising dough._

**GERTRUDE**

Making the icing now, I’ll heat it up before I spread it, but it makes things easier to keep rolling. (To an approaching Paul and Mary) I’m making iced lemon buns, the lemon in the dough and on top.

_Paul nods, and without a word they turn to leave._

**GERTRUDE**

Not very talkative, those two. Unless you have failed miserably at something. Then they have plenty to say.

_Angle on Oliver, spreading his dough into an even rectangle. He pats butter into a layer about a centimeter thick over half of the dough. He folds the dough over and seals the edges, locking the butter into it._

**OLIVER**

And thus begins the ill-fated journey of pastry dough, doomed to a life of refrigeration, abandonment, and eventual consumption.

_He covers it in cling wrap, placing it in the fridge._

_As Basira peels a mango, Mel steps forward._

**MEL**

Halfway there, bakers, an hour and a half left!

**BASIRA**

Already? That can’t be right.

_Around her, other bakers are expressing similar concerns._

**GERTRUDE**

The fabric of time is dissolving, just as I predicted.

**AGNES**

So what do you suggest we do?

**GERTRUDE**

Get those rolls in the oven.

_Agnes smiles, fire in her eyes. She wraps together the dough and cinnamon mixture into a swirling log, slicing them off into rolls with a thin thread. As each roll leaves the dwindling lump, it joins the others in a tin._

**AGNES**

It’s just cinnamon rolls. I can do this.

 **** _She slides one pan into the oven, brushing off her hands before slicing the next few._

_Cut to Daisy, sprinkling cinnamon into her dough before rolling it out again._

**JON**

So, Miss High-And-Mighty, what are you baking?

**DAISY**

(Baring her teeth; is it a grin? a threat?) You know, it’s often considered dangerous to openly antagonize someone authorized to use lethal force.

**JON**

I’m not- what are you implying here?

**DAISY**

Oh, nothing, just a bit of life advice for you. For your information, little man, I’m making cinnamon and cardamom rolls. (She adds more cinnamon, turning the dough a darker color)

_Focus on Melanie, dividing up her rainbow-speckled dough into more or less even lumps._

**SUE V.O.**

Melanie is making tutti frutti rolls, topped with sliced jelly beans.

_Melanie rolls them into round shapes, placing them on a tray that is slid into the oven. She grins, setting her timer._

**MELANIE**

Everything is going according to plan.

_Pan to Simon, molding his dough into a pan. He sprinkles orange zest on top of the panettone, standing back to admire the effect._

**SIMON**

Marvelous. Now, into the oven we go…

_Angle on Basira, checking her oven. Inside orange-colored bread bakes, turning into soft mounds._

**MEL V.O.**

Basira’s mango buns will be sprinkled with sultana and drizzled with a light glaze.

_She shuts the oven again, impatient._

_Transition to Tim, sighing as he finishes the last bagel and adds it to the tray._

**TIM**

They aren’t as pretty as me, but I’m afraid they’ll have to do. (He smiles) Not everything can be.

_Cut to Jane, sitting in front of the oven._

**JANE**

This is definitely the hardest part. Can’t let them burn, but don’t want to under bake them either. Just have to wait.

_All around the tent, the bakers are sitting in various states of waiting. Some sit at stools, chatting absently, while others keep watch over warm ovens. Close up on Jon and Martin, both leaning on opposite sides of the same counter, elbows close together, talking quietly. Martin listens attentively as Jon rambles on about some obscure kind of yeast._

**SUE**

Fifteen minutes left!

_Close up on Oliver pulling his Pain au Choclat’s out of the oven, placing them onto a delicate stand with quick fingers._

_Gertrude is reheating her frosting again, casting glances at the lemon buns cooling on racks next to her. They are roughly the same shape, some a little darker than the others. She drizzles them with the glaze, adding a bit of a rustic charm to it._

_Cut to Helen, sprinkling candied lemon peel onto of her honey glazed buns. She bends low, concentrated on her work. The camera zooms onto Sasha, pushing orange slivers into the tops of her rolls._

_Profile view of Martin, hands shaking as he sprinkles almond slice over the tops of his berry rolls._

_Pan to Jane, dipping the tops of her rolls into a bowl of seeds. They stick to the bread and are lined up on a layered tray._

**MEL**

One minute!

_Jon adds the last bit of apple to his rolls, organizing them neatly on his display. He steps back, sighing._

**JON**

That was close.

_He hurries over to Martin, and with nothing more than a glance from him, Jon helps him add almonds to the tops of his rolls._

**SUE**

Aaand time’s up! Bakers step away, your bakes should be complete now. If you would bring your showstoppers up, one by one, for judging, that would be _lovely_.

_Oliver steps up first, a tray balanced in his hands._

**PAUL**

These are solid looking Pain au Chocolat’s. Not extremely flaky, but substantial.

**MARY**

(Chewing) The inside is beautiful with the use of different chocolates, they melt in your mouth. If the bread was a little lighter they would have been spot on.

_The bakers bring their bakes up, one by one._

**AGNES**

Here are my cinnamon rolls.

**MARY**

They aren’t very neat, the frosting smeared almost haphazardly.

**PAUL**

The cinnamon is very strong, it burns slightly.

**SASHA**

Chocolate and orange buns, topped with candied oranges.

**MARY**

The oranges are a nice touch, very elegant looking.

**PAUL**

They taste as good as they look, well done Sasha.

**JANE**

I baked walnut, seed, and maple syrup buns.

**PAUL**

Now, what I was talking about before is you must be careful with syrup. It adds a lot of moisture which can affect the baking time.

**MARY**

They are very raw on the inside.

**TIM**

May I present (with flair) cranberry bagels!

**MARY**

The bagel shape is definitely there somewhere, a little bit rough around the edges.

**PAUL**

The cranberries are perfectly balanced, but the presentation needs more work.

**MARTIN**

I baked red berry and almond rolls.

**MARY**

(Warmly) Absolutely delicious. The berries are perfect, the almonds giving it a nice crunch.

**PAUL**

Not the most beautiful for a showstopper, but you delivered on flavor.

**GERTRUDE**

Lemon iced buns for your consideration.

**PAUL**

The icing is very thin, almost tasteless.

**MARY**

Your lemon didn’t come through strong enough.

**JON**

Here are my stilton, walnut, and apple buns.

**MARY**

They are quite the mouthful, almost over-filled.

**PAUL**

Perfect bake, the flavors almost but not quite meshing together.

**DAISY**

(Gruffly) Cinnamon and cardamom buns.

**PAUL**

Simple, but effective.

**MARY**

Well-baked, good flavors.

**BASIRA**

Here are my mango and sultana rolls.

**MARY**

Wonderful usage of mango, the sultana is lovely.

**PAUL**

The rolls aren’t uniform, giving them irregular baking.

**HELEN**

I baked sticky lemon and honey buns.

**PAUL**

They certainly are sticky, but that’s the only fault I can find with them.

**MARY**

Very sweet, a little too sweet.

**MELANIE**

Tutti frutti rolls, topped with jelly beans.

**MARY**

Interesting idea although I’m not in love with the jelly beans. They don’t work well with the rest of the rolls.

**PAUL**

I have to agree with Mary on this one, the jelly beans are a bit over the top.

**SIMON**

I made mini panettones, flavored with chocolate and orange.

**PAUL**

The flavors are very basic, the bake itself is light and fluffy.

**MARY**

Very sweet and airy.

 **** _Simon takes a seat, all the bakers relieved at the end of the challenge. They look at each other in silence, still slightly stressed._

_Cut to Mary, Paul, Mel, and Sue seated around a table in the outdoor gazebo._

**MEL**

So the question on all of our lips- who is doing the best this weekend?

**MARY**

Sasha has had quite the rebound this week, placing third in the technical with an astounding showstopper.

**PAUL**

Gertrude has also been baking quite consistently.

**SUE**

Now on the flip side, how is the elimination going to go this week? Will we be losing more than one baker?

**MARY**

(With a side glance at her fellow judge) You’ll have to wait and see.

_Pan to the tent, the bakers still lined up, waiting._

**MEL**

Well, you all made it. Congratulations! I have the pleasure of announcing this week’s star baker. This baker stunned the judges with a wonderful chocolate and orange showstopper- Sasha, you are this week’s star baker!

_They all clap and cheer, Tim throwing an arm around her shoulders. She rolls her eyes._

**SUE**

That leaves the less fun job of elimination to me.

_Angle on Jane, looking supremely unconcerned but obviously in danger._

**SUE**

This week, two bakers will be leaving us. Sadly, those two are-

_She holds for dramatic tension, before saying in a rush._

**SUE**

Simon and Jane. I am so sorry, guys, it truly has been a pleasure.

_They all surge forward into a group hug. Cut to Sasha standing in the field, beaming._

**SASHA**

Star baker! I can’t believe it, it’s been such an honor to be here.

 **** _Transition to Gertrude standing in her place._

**GERTRUDE**

I made it through for one more week. Here’s to one more?

_Back to the tent, people muttering goodbye’s to Simon and Jane. Simon shakes hands all around, beaming._

**SIMON V.O.**

I’m not bitter, I’ve met loads of great people and had a wonderful experience. It’s the simple truth- there are better bakers out there than me. Best of luck to them!

_Cut to black._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thoughts?


	5. The Extra Slice- Week Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was found on the cutting room floor. Enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i am not pacing myself whatsoever and you know what? jon? he is A Sap. martin? also A Sap. together they are oblivious gay FOOLS that i love to write  
> let me know what you think!  
> xxx

**MARTIN**

I made Italian breadsticks, a modern take on the classic bread. It is- (he breaks off, slightly choked) it _was_ my mum’s favorite recipe.

_Martin’s eyes fill with tears and he turns to the side, desperately trying to hide them. It’s a futile attempt and they begin to run down his face, his voice trembling when he speaks._

**MARTIN**

I’m sorry, this is stupid- I-

_Mel and Sue look at each other, communicating almost telepathically. With a nod from Sue, they both begin to chant loudly._

**MEL**

ARSE-ARSE-ARSE-ARESE-

**SUE**

NIKE-WALMART-ADIDAS-GENERAL ELECTRIC-

**MEL**

_ARSE-ARSE-ARSE!_

**SUE**

DORITOS-TESCO’S-GATORADE-

_Martin looks at them in confusion as Mary and Paul sigh. Mel walks over to Martin and puts a hand on his shoulder, understanding._

**MEL**

Don’t worry, Gerry will have to cut the footage because of ‘inappropriate language’

**SUE**

It’s alright.

_She wraps him into a hug, Martin crying now at their kindness._

**MARTIN**

It’s stupid, I’m sorry, it’s just- my mum died last year.

_Angle on Jon’s face, looking more concerned than he has any right to be. Half of him wants to comfort Martin somehow. Back to Martin, still crying, as Tim takes up the chant._

**TIM**

Arse! Arse! Arse! Arse- come on everybody, let’s give the man a bit of television privacy!

_Sasha joins in, grinning, Helen’s voice rings out high and clear, swearing up a storm. One by one the other bakers get the cue. Soon the tent is filled with colorful curses in several languages, Jon rattling brand names off the top of his head. In all fairness, it is quite the impressive sight._

_Martin laughs through his tears, wiping his eyes on his sleeve. Still chanting, Tim leads several of the bakers forward to envelop him in a hug._

_Angle on the group of people, Martin at the center of it, hugging and swearing while Martin laughs. Focus on Jon, looking relieved to hear that sound._

_Most of the bakers break away, leaving Jon still wrapped protectively around Martin._

**MARY**

Martin, why don’t you take a minute, get some fresh air? We can resume when you are feeling better, alright?

_Grateful, he nods and walks toward the entrance to the tent. Jon follows, Mel and Sue holding back the bakers who want to join them._

**SUE**

Let’s give those two a bit of space.

_She winks and they all nod, understanding. Several still look disappointed- Martin is so kind to everybody, it is painful to see him hurt._

_The view switches to Jon and Martin, sitting on the ground outside, knees almost touching. The angle of the camera suggests the two are unaware they are being filmed._

_Jon talks in a low, soothing voice as Martin hiccups._

**JON**

It’s okay to feel like this, it hurts when they’re gone.

**MARTIN**

She was in a care home for the last bit of her life, didn’t even want me around, you know? (He sniffs) When she- when she died, some part of me felt relieved. Then really, really guilty. It’s my mum. I can’t be thinking like that.

_Martin hides his face in his hands, still speaking through his fingers._

**MARTIN**

I don’t know why I’m telling you this, I'm sorry, you don’t need to hear my sob story, it’s just…been a very emotional day.

_Jon swallows, looking at a loss for words. Instead of saying anything, he tentatively reaches out and puts a hand on his shoulder, Martin leaning into the contact._

**JON**

It’s alright, really, I don’t mind at all. I just want you to- ah, nevermind.

_He cuts off, blushing. Martin doesn’t seem to notice._

**MARTIN**

(Stronger now) I think I’m ready to go back in.

**JON**

Only if you want to.

_Martin looks up at Jon, his gaze steady if slightly watery._

**MARTIN**

(Soft) Thank you.

**JON**

(Equally gentle) My pleasure. Now, shall we go see how well you did?

_Martin stands first and offers Jon his hand. He accepts and is pulled to his feet. Martin is so strong and Jon so light he almost leaves the ground. Looking surprised and a little awed, he walks back to the tent, standing closer to Martin than the situation warranted._

_Close up on their retreating backs, Martin knocking playfully into Jon with his elbow. They both laugh, Jon looking up at the man beside him undisguised feeling._

_Martin continues to be oblivious._


	6. TEMPORARY UPDATE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a few words from your creator

okay hi guys! i know this is probably super disappointing and you're vv upset that this is not the actual chapter and believe me i feel really bad about this but i am taking this week off of updating for this fic  
just a bit of background  
i have to do like two-three hours of research for the recipes themselves  
then write the actual script  
which comes to a total of prob 50,000 words total  
that takes like five hours man don't even get me started on editing  
so last week i crammed and wrote it in two days which was a bAD IDEA I DID NOT DO MY BEST ON THAT CHAPTER AT ALL   
i want to give myself more time to write this, so i'm going to change up the posting schedule a bit  
updates once a week, typically thursdays  
so that means one week i'll have an episode  
the next week i'll have a snippet from the extra slice section  
alternating by weeks  
this might take a while to finish the fic but y'know what?  
i am a student and dealing with the anxiety from some big tests coming up/ actual anxiety/ a bit of insomnia/ competitive swimming starting up/ again my family situation/ coronavirus/ all that jazz/ SO I'M A BIT TIRED  
at least tired of trying to churn out this fic at what i now realize is an unhealthy pace  
consider this week a bit of a mental health break, i hope y'all aren't mad or anything... sorry!!! i'm so sorry!!  
i'm only human after all  
i am going to be keeping schedule with my smaller wip, 'just a little cliche', bc i'm releasing pre-written chapters for the most part.  
i love you guys so much! you are all amazing and make me so happy to read your comments and work, thank you for being awesome and supportive. please please please stay safe and healthy, forgive me for being human, and tune in next week for BISCUIT WEEK!!

a spoiler to tide you over  
we've got gingerbread in the showstopper, jon has always been a fan of smirke's architecture, martin is ready to build his dream scottish cabin, and helen has a thing for doors. what could go wrong?

once again, i love you and thank you for your continued support! stay weird<3  
xxx

**Author's Note:**

> phew y'all read the whole thing! thanks guys!  
> info abt this au- it is set in a totally harmless world where no dread powers exist and everybody is (relatively) nice to each other.  
> camera terms:  
> angle on- the camera focuses on a particular object  
> back to- the camera returns to a particular character or action within a scene, after focusing on another  
> close on- the camera films a person or object from a close range  
> cut to- move directly to another scene with no transition  
> dissolve- a transition between scenes in which one image gradually fades and is replaced by another image  
> O.S.- off screen, an action that takes place off screen or dialogue that is spoken without seeing the character on-screen  
> pan- camera movement involving the camera turning from one subject to another  
> V.O.- voice over  
> i'll add more as they come up, but for now that's it! please comment and let me know how you feel abt this  
> please go check out Renda's blog! again, the url is @rendherring.tumblr.com


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